Celebrating Celibacy

Transcription Today. I have a number of suggestions for talks, so I'm going to try and weigh them in together if at all possible. But earlier this week on Tuesday, even though it's supposed to be rains retreat, still, as the senior monk, I still always have many things to do. That's why we call it the rest time. And the rest time means when the rest of the monks can have a good time and I have to do the work. But on Tuesday is very interesting. And the appointment which I had was to go to the Archbishops of Perth. That's Roger Hough's house for morning tea with the Archbishop of York. That's Sir John Sentamu, who's been in town the last week. And when you have these invitations, sometimes you don't know how interesting they're going to be or how boring they're going to be. But this was a good one. It was only about maybe 15 or 18 of us around the table, like religious leaders of Perth and having a chance to talk with the the number two in the Anglican church worldwide, the Archbishop of York. It's a very interesting fellow. But when he sort of gave his little speech, he's obviously into social action because apparently the new British prime minister, which is Gordon Brown, happened to be in New York that morning, and he was having a meeting with other leaders about the, I think, the seven Millennium Goals, which they're trying to arrange to help alleviate many things which are needing alleviating in this world, such as poverty, global warming, etc.. And having announced that, he asked each one of us to ask what we were doing about the Millennium Goals. And first of all, did you know what they are? And obviously being put in a spot because I haven't got any clue what the Millennium Goals are specifically. But, you know, just roughly, you know what they are and ask, what am I doing about the Millennium Goals? I said, well, Archbishop, I am celibate, so my carbon footprint is much less than yours because I've got no kids. The Archbishop, Roger, heard he laughed. But Archbishop said to me it was quite embarrassed because I, I made a point there because that's one of the great things that your monks and nuns, we're doing a lot for the problem of global warming by not having children. So you can offset your global carbon footprint on us. But that got me into thinking about sort of celibacy, staying by yourself, not having a wife or husband, being single, not having children because that was the other part of the talk for this, that this evening somebody was saying, well, there's a lot of pressure on people to have partners in this world. And sometimes if you are single, sometimes you look like you're weird. And if you think you're weird by not having a partner, have a think about what monks are like in this world. We really are weird. Not only are monks do we not have girlfriends, we actually dress like girls. Look at us. And I remember wonderful occasion where, again, it's not just going to visit these interesting people like Archbishop John Sentamu, but also that about a year or two ago, I was invited to the Gay pride breakfast at Curtin University. And of course, when you get these invitations, you know, as a monk, you think, wow, this is weird. Yeah, I mean, for that one. So I went up to rocked up to the Gay pride breakfast, and I didn't actually give a speech there, but I obviously was speaking to a lot of people, and my line was at the Gay pride breakfast because one of the speeches they had there was that the gay community in Perth, quite obviously and quite rightly and now accepted into the community, and a few of them were actually lamenting the fact that they are not subversive anymore, because there was, you know, what it's like sometimes being subversive, being different. You know, there's a sort of a little bit of a joy, like a spice in that. But of course, they've accepted they're mainstream now. And there are a few of them, like, you know, the senator Chris Watson, I think she was actually lamenting the old days when it was more radical to be gay. But then I came up and said, well, you should be like me celibate, because you can't be more deviant these days than being celibate, which is a point there because, you know, as a celibate, you are sort of, uh, you know, way out of the way that people usually live their lives in these days. Because if you look at newspapers, magazines, movies, TV, I remember just even years ago when I was a student at Cambridge, we used to have a film clubs, you know, just in the local common room. We know it was from films and just show it for the students and the head of the film club. This semester, they gave the programme for the next semester's about eight movies just to show, um, to the, uh, college kids. And when they have to write up what the movies are, they had something like, uh, what was it called? Um, Zulu sex and violence in Africa. And they had some other gangster movie sex and Violence in New York and some other movie like of the war, sex and violence in war torn, um, uh, London. It was all sex, sex and violence. And the fellow who actually wrote this out, it was humorous, but it was funny because he made a point, because basically that's that's what the movies were all about, either sex and violence or violence and sex, basically, you know, but romance. But that's basically what it was all about. And when I set up it, you actually going in an opposite direction? Not only celibate, but you're gentle. And that is interesting because it is challenging to understand what I mean by challenging and why it is that if you're single, you haven't got a partner, if you're celibate and you're just not interested in these things, or if you're like, deliberately poor, like our monks are, we don't have a cent to our name. I don't mean we haven't got any sense, but we haven't got any sense. The first time I, after being a monk for about seven years, I went to visit my family in England. Everyone was very friendly except for my brother and I couldn't realise. I couldn't understand why he was so cold towards me because we were good friends. Okay, now we're sort of brothers. We used to fight every now and again, but that's just two young men growing up together in the same small house. But, you know, we used to make up with good friends before I was a monk. We were good friends. I know I was the best man at his wedding. So, you know, obviously he must have been quite good friends. But once I became a monk in seven years, when I came back to visit, it was very hard to get close to him. And when I went back to Thailand afterwards, I thought, what's gone wrong with our relationship? Why is there that sort of that distance too? When I worked out was that I was celibate. And even though there was no meaning to challenge his lifestyle, the very fact of who I was was actually confronting him. I was saying, yeah, there's something more to life than just getting married, having kids, getting a house, getting on in life in a conventional way. I was actually challenging basically having to make him think or even actually look at his lifestyle. And this is one of the problems with the different types of lifestyle which we see, not the mainstream, but those types of lifestyle which are sort of on the edge, because sometimes that, you know, I go down sometimes a street in Perth and sometimes you might see a woman in a burqa and you think it's that challenging. And if it is, why? Because what is actually doing is it challenges us to see things in a different way. It's not mainstream, it's outside of our comfort zone. Whether it's right or wrong, it's challenging. And that's one of the problems with being celibate or being single and not wanting a partner, because what's actually happening for the other person, maybe they don't realize this. You're actually challenging their lifestyle, challenging even who they are, and saying, well, you know, maybe you should think a bit deeper than maybe other alternatives in life. And I think that's a useful thing to be a challenger. Of course, people don't like that. They rather not see you. They rather like everybody, look the same and dress the same and be the same. However, maybe it was because that I come from England, and England is a well known home of eccentrics. And maybe that's one of the reasons I like to become a monk, at least in England. You look eccentric. However, when you go to places like Thailand, you just fit in with everybody else. So it's like that story, I say, of when I was trying to be a radical young man. You know, when I was about 17, I bought my first pair of green velvet trousers. They weren't like ordinary green. They were like fluorescent green. And I thought that was a really big radical, you know, none of my friends had anything so, so loud and vibrant and stand out as those. My green velvet trousers, until I went to one of these rock concerts and found another 10,000 people had the same green velvet trousers. And there's another uniform. That's what it was. But sometimes when we see something different, it does challenge us. And I think that's one of the problems with celibacy, with being single, maybe not having kids, because there's an inherent challenge for those people who have got the wife and two children the nice house, the car, the good job and a superannuation well paid up. It sort of challenges us to think outside the normal way of doing things. However, that certainly that spirituality of religion has to challenge you. And sometimes I always say that if you come here and you hear what you want to hear or you know exactly what's been said here, then there's no point coming. You want to come in here and then leave, seeing things in a slightly different way. Having been challenged, having been moved forward in your understanding of yourselves and life in general. Because really, what's wrong with being single? What's wrong with being celibate? In fact, sometimes that you can see great advantages in being single or being celibate, whatever it is. Each one of us, as a monk, pointed out some time ago. Each one of us practices that restraint. Restraining of our sexual urges, restraining of our anger urges, restraining of our violent urges. We all have to practice some sort of restraint, to a greater or lesser degree, to be able to live in a civilized life. It is a nature of human beings, no girls and boys to be attracted or, if you're gay, to be attracted to the same sex. It's the nature of human beings sometimes to get upset and angry and maybe being so frustrated. You want to become violent, to prove your point, or to stand your ground or whatever other excuses you have. Sometimes you can see those movements within your own mind, but you stop. Why do you stop? Why is it you might see that boy or that girl you really like? You say, no, I'm going to stay with the one I've got. Why is it that, you know, you get so upset sometimes you'd want to punch somebody, but you don't. Why? What's actually happening there? Those urges which are in that human being. There is another part of the human being which we call the ability to restrain, to be able to see the consequences of our actions and to realize, yes, that just going with those urges gives like momentary satisfaction, but long term harm and pain and difficulty. Is that aspect of a human being. To sort of assess the consequences of their actions. Which stops one. And that's something which we develop, especially, you know, in the practice of meditation. The Buddha actually gave it words. He called it hero tipa. He said it's the fear of the karmic consequences of your action and also a sense of conscience or shame. I don't want to do this even if no one else finds out and I can't live with myself. I've done something wrong. I know it's wrong. I've hurt someone, I've hurt myself. Or the karmic consequences is even more important that each one of you have lived long enough. Now you see the consequences of some actions. No, you don't get away with things. You think you might get away with it. But you know you see yourself doing that. It's an old story I haven't told us for a long time. It's a story of this, uh, Indian teacher a long time ago, and he had a number of students. And it was the custom. This was like 1000 or 2000 years ago, 2500 years ago. And the time where, like one wise teacher would have just a number of students, maybe about 10 or 12, and teach them everything they want to know about life and also about sort of morality and religion and and counting and English and everything else, or Sanskrit in those days. And this teacher had one daughter, and his daughter was very, very beautiful. Okay. It's a bit sexist, but this is 2500 years ago. Okay. And had one very beautiful daughter. And all the students wanted to marry her. So one day the teacher brought all the students together and said, look, I know you'd all want to marry my very, very beautiful daughter. And according to our custom, you know, this is 2500 years ago. I have to marry her to one of my students. But I can't think which one to marry her to. So we're going to give you a test. It's a test of obedience, but it's also it solves another problem I have because being a teacher, I'm very, very poor. And I know that whoever marries my daughter will need like a house, or need some cooking stuff and need all the stuff to set up in life, and I haven't got that much money. So what I want you to do, each student, I want you to go to the nearest villages. I want you to steal things from the village. The test of your obedience. And whoever steals the most will be able to marry my daughter. Because I know, therefore, you're hard working and resourceful. But also, whatever your steal will all put together. And whoever sort of steals. And Rosa knows my daughter will get all the loot and that will be able to set you up. Okay, but but be careful, you said, because we have to be careful. Don't let anyone see you stealing. I have to remember that. Don't let anyone see you stealing. Otherwise you know who might know what might happen. So all the students were quite surprised because their teacher was usually a very, very honest, very upstanding and moral person. And they wondered what was going on. But they liked the girl and they were obedient. So okay. Off they went. And they stuck in the houses at night time. They steal this. They stole that. And after a week, the teacher called them all together and say, okay, you can stop. Stop stealing now, because we've already got so much stuff. That's enough here to set up anybody, any couple happily in their first months of marriage. And now I want to announce sort of who's stolen the most. But before I announce who stolen the most, there's one of my students here who hasn't stolen anything. You disobedient young man. Why didn't you follow my instructions? He said to this poor little student. And he still said. But, master, I did follow your instructions. Well, why didn't you steal anything then? He said to his master. I went into the houses at night time. I waited for the occupants to fall asleep or to go out. And then I snuck in and I snuck in, and I was about to sort of grab hold of some money or some jewelry. Then I noticed that somebody was watching, and you told me, don't steal if somebody is looking. And the master said, but I thought you said all the people had gone out of the house who was watching? And the students said, I was watching. I was watching me steal. And you told me, don't take anything if someone's looking. I'm lucky, he said. And that the master said, oh, thank goodness that at least I have one student who is smart and wise. And he said, you win, my daughter. All your other students take back all those goods from the houses where you stole them from. You don't need to worry, because I told all the villagers to expect you a long time ago. It's a setup. It was a test to see if you understand what morality and virtue is, because whenever you take something, just as this student understood, you see yourself stealing. That's why if you have any sexual impropriety, your wife may not see, your husband may not see you, but you see you doing that. That's why you cannot hide any sort of bad acts of body or speech. That's why we have to be restrained. Because whatever you do, you see yourself doing that. And that has a huge imprint on your mind, on your happiness and well-being. That's what the Buddha meant by the the conscience and the karmic consequences of these things. It's imprinted on the mind of the one who does it. So we all have to have some type of restraint in life. And the reason we have that restraint, because we feel that in our situation, our circumstances is better for us. And some people, maybe the karma from the past. They sort of meet someone and they fall in love and they stick together. But it's tough sticking together. The relationship is not easy, as many of you know, and there is a lot of restraint which is required from both parties. Even though you think it might be nice, it might be fun. It's exciting. But we say no. We say no because we realize it's better in the long run for our own happiness and well-being, and also for our partners well-being and our kids will be. We restrain ourselves. It's the same as if we want to be angry. Sure that you can sort of be violent, and maybe you think you get away from it, away with it, but you've done that. You feel terrible. But not just like physical violence. Sometimes the speech, sometimes the way we speak to each other. I know that in many sort of relationships, people speak out in this terrible way to each other. Sometimes. I've listened to the way they speak, and I've also noticed that when a person does that, they feel terrible the way they speak to their wife, to their husband, to their parents, to their kids, you feel bad about it. If you can only realize and focus on the results of those silly, stupid actions, we would never do it again. We understand the karmic causes, so the karmic results are whatever we do. And if you really want to live peacefully and happily understand that law of karma, you can't escape from it. And it's not something which will come from somebody else. A lot of time it just comes from within you. You don't feel good about yourself. Don't feel happy. Don't feel at peace. And that's something you can prove for yourself. You understand you've already had enough experiences of what you've done, but you also have the other part of karma. Because too often people think of karma, the negative things I do something bad and something bad is going to happen to me. We should also think about we've done something good and kind. Something nice is going to happen to me. And please remember that as well. When you have restrain, when you have said sorry, when you have been tempted but said no. You feel happy. You feel good about that. There's that positive karma, and that probably is more of an incentive than anything else to restrain the sake of, not to avoid suffering for the sake of happiness. And that is sometimes why, you know, you look at your life and sometimes, well, there isn't a sort of a partner there. So you're single. Why are you single? There's a lot of happiness in being single. So you don't have to look at the other people and saying, oh, I wish I had a partner. As I said last week, if you have a partner, you have partner suffering. If you are single, you have single person suffering, but you also have single person's happiness as well. And you also have partner happiness as well. And really that sometimes we always think that if we had something else, the difference will be somehow better. That's why that. I remember another story years ago about this farmer who had all this hay, which was going mouldy, and being a very stingy farmer, he would not throw it away. He insisted on feeding it to his cows before they could get any good. Hey! And of course, the cows, even though they were going hungry, would not eat the moldy hay. And so the farmer thought, well, maybe I should mix it in with good hay. When you mix it all together, the cows being stupid won't know the difference, and they'll eat the moldy hay when it's mixed in with the good hay. But again, the cars were smart enough and they separated the good. Hey, you know from the moldy hay they are all the good hay and is still left with the moldy hay. And the way the farmer got rid of the moldy hay and got all of the cows to eat, it was to take all that moldy hay and put it outside the paddock fence, but not that far outside that the cow could push its head through the fence wires and just reach that moldy hay. And when it was just outside the fence, outside the the allowed area, when it was prohibited hay, the cows ate it all up the first day. And that's cow psychology. And that applies to human beings as well. If it's forbidden, even though it might be moldy, it is sometimes much more interesting and tasty. That's one of the problems when we have, you know, forbidden parts of, uh, of our, uh, moral code because it's forbidden. That must be interesting. And you taste it. And that's one of the problems with like trying to sort of keep in these boundaries, these moral boundaries, because just because it's disallowed sometimes makes it more interesting, which is sometimes why the liberal philosophies of life, just letting people have the freedom to choose and not sort of making too many things prohibited sometimes is actually better because people aren't tempted to try things just because they're prohibited. However, going back to some of these relationships again, one of the biggest relationships is like celibacy. And a lot of times in our modern, especially Western world, they are monks. Nuns. You know, do you have to be celibate and to become enlightened? Why do we have monks and nuns, or why are we sitting up here and you guys are sitting down there? Is this something important, especially in Buddhism, to be celibate? Why is someone like myself celibate for 33 years now? Now, there's something very important about this because part of Buddhism, and I think many of you have understood this, you've been here long enough is to learn about sort of simplicity, contentment with little being easily satisfied, unburdened with duties. And as quoting from the Metta Sutta, which you probably chanted before I came in, here is an ancient teaching of the Buddha is all about the way to be happy. If you understand us, the more stuff you have in your house, the more burden it is. The more cramped you are, the more attachments you have in life there's, the more things you have to worry about. Sometimes the more people you have around you, the more people you have to worry about. Now it's always retreat in our monasteries. Many of the monks are spending time completely by themselves. If you want to talk about being single, you can't be more single than, say, a monk on retreat. Remember, I did six months in absolute solitude, never saw another human being, or even spoke to them for six months. One of our monks is doing a three month retreat in our retreat county. He also won't see another human being for three months. Now that's taking solitude to another level. Why? When I did, that, six month retreat was one of the most beautiful, blissful, wonderful times of my life because it was so simple, so easy, so still. It seems the more things which one gets involved in does, the more turmoil it creates in your mind and what agitation you have. It takes you away from the beautiful singleness of simplicity. We do live such complicated lives. And, you know, that complicated life just coming in from serpentine this afternoon? Ah, this policeman stopped somebody on the freeway down by Burlington Road or somewhere, and the whole field was jam packed almost up to the, uh, Mount Henry Bridge. This is so many cars. It was so complicated. Life these days. It's the same with modern technology. It is so complicated when things always go wrong. Just. I don't know what it is, but we're supposed to have started our rains retreat on Sunday. And the last week. Everything's been going wrong in our monastery. I don't know what it is. I think it's because of too much danger, too many gifts which you brought to our toilets on Sunday. The whole thing blocked up. I talk about donations. That's not the sort of donation we were looking for. And the whole thing blocked up and the toilet started overflowing. They backing up and poor old Martin had to spend days digging up until he finally found out what was going on, and it flooded our sewage system. We just had to have it pumped out yesterday for a couple of thousand dollars. That cost us. Not only that, but our sound system failed for recording the talks on a Wednesday night, and even the microphone won't work. And the gas heater outside the kitchen, which warms the water for washing the dishes, broke down. And our car, the second car, the Suzuki, which we have to run around in, that sort of had an oil leak and there was no water coming to my hut and everything was going wrong. I think in some sort of demon. Must have realized these monks are getting too close to enlightenment. We have to stop them quick. I don't know why these things happen, but of course, you know. There they are. They happen. But even in a monastery can get so complicated. That's why, you know, most of the monks by their huts had just got little bush toilets, little holes in the ground. They never back up. They never go wrong. And there's a wonderful just to keep it simple. And you don't have so many problems. Which is one of the reasons why that people do choose to have to be single. There's a lot of simplicity in that, and that is actually an attraction of the single lifestyle. If you can do it, some other poor people, they can't do that. They do need a sort of a partner in life, but don't think you're doing something wrong or you're a lesser person for being single. And I am celibate myself, obviously, and I understand just the beauty of that simplicity. And spending time by oneself. But when you spend time by oneself. Please don't get married to the TV or to the computer because many people have got partners, the screen partners they spend so much time, you know, communing with a sort of the, the, the screens. You wonder, you know, I can understand they're not really alone. They're just married to the computer and married to the TV or married to their iPod. But if you really understand is how wonderful it is. Has been very simple and peaceful. After a while, you can really get into it. There's nothing to do. There's no one to speak to. So the mind can be silent. And still you see that what one is doing is one is going out from the world and going inside the mind, inside, into a place of peace and stillness. No. Sometimes people, when they are by themselves again, they just instead of looking at the right place, they actually go out searching for things to disturb themselves. I often noticed, you know, as a monk, you don't watch TV. But I remember one TV show which, you know, was on when I last watched TV, was the first soap opera. The soap was Coronation Street, and apparently that's still going on. All the other TV series, they're mostly finished. But whether it's these days, EastEnders or neighbours, how long has neighbours been going on and people still watch it? Why do they watch those things? A lot of times is always problems and difficulties which happen in those those dysfunctional households. It's one of the reasons there will never be a soap opera about building on a monastery or Dharma Saarinen's monastery, simply because not enough rotten things happen there. It's all just too peaceful and nice and easy, except for maybe the septic system sort of banging, going bang or whatever, but. I also wonder why people like to watch those things is because they like to worry about things. They haven't got enough worries already with their partner, with their kids, or with their job, or with their health. They want to worry about somebody else's partner or job or health, because we don't know how to be simple. We don't know how to enjoy simplicity, even on a weekend. Because I come up from serpentine, you see all these cars going down south for the weekend to get away from it all. So they go be with all everybody else. And when I go home, usually on a Sunday, see all the cars coming back again. I really love going in the opposite direction to everybody else. It means you have much more space on the freeway. But why do people do that? They got this beautiful houses. Why is it you spent all this money on a beautiful house or apartment? And the first charge you have. You go and leave it to go on holiday. Why don't you enjoy the house? A lot of time. We don't like simplicity. And when you start to understand what Buddhism we're celebrating that simplicity. We're enjoying it. We're finding there's a lot of peace there. The less things you have, even sometimes, the less people you have around you. When you've only got yourself, if you're a friend to yourself, you're never lonely. That's one of the things which I had insights I had having spent so many hours, so many days, sometimes in solitude as a monk. People would ask me, aren't you lonely as a monk? Don't you miss people being around? No. Of course. Well, don't you get lonely? I say I'm not lonely. Because just in that story, there's always somebody watching me. Wherever I go, there's always somebody there. Me. And the important thing of being single, of being by yourself, is to like yourself. To be your very best friend. That's why whenever I'm by myself, I never feel lonely. I never crave for somebody else because I'm very happy with me. Now, this is what we call inner contentment. Or if you like, you know, the opening the door of your heart to yourself. If you don't love yourself, you'll always be running away to somebody else, thinking that there you can get your fulfillment. Unfortunately, what happens if you don't love and accept and at peace with yourself? You'll never be able to build a relationship with somebody else which hasn't got fear to disrupt it and to stop it really growing. If you can't love and be at peace with yourself and you know that definition, to open the door of your heart to yourself, whoever you are, whatever you've done with all of your faults, not trying to change yourself, make yourself different with all of your past, all the stupidity, all the silly jokes you tell. I'm going to tell the joke now. I told this just beforehand, I was testing out to a couple of people to make sure it was funny enough. This is actually, this fits in here because, you know, in a relationship you have to be patient. Patience is so important in life. This is a story about patience. There was this English girl. She came from a very good family. You know, the the very snobby, snooty families they sometimes have in England. Very stiff upper lip, very restrained. So she got pregnant when she was nine months pregnant? No, she still had delivered yet. Came to ten months. Still hadn't given birth. Came to 11 months. Now, usually you go and see the doctor, but, you know, these English people are so sort of stuffed up. Said, oh, no, too embarrassed to go and see the doctor count to 12 months. He just forgot about it. Many, many years later, you know, she went into the it's a joke, obviously, many, many years later, you know, she had to go to the hospital. She was that old lady by now, had to go to hospital for some sort of ordinary procedure. And they just happened to give her an incision. They looked inside and they found out that why she hadn't given birth, because it opened her up and inside her womb with his two grown men. Englishmen in bowler hats and a nice sharp suit. No cold umbrellas, little ties. And one was saying to the other. After you, Percy. No, no. After you. Claude. No, I insist. After you. Percy. Bow. After you. Claude. I think you understand this stupid joke. Even though I tell stupid jokes, I forgive myself. I'm at peace with myself. I love myself for who I am. And that's why sometimes I tried the jokes out of myself. And I laugh at my jokes sometimes. In my case, this happens like you hear me? Laughter coming out of there is me laughing at my own jokes. Why not? So? So if you're at peace with yourself, if you love yourself, if you forgive yourself, you never feel lonely. You're content with little. You're not demanding. You're happy by yourself. Fine. Someone else comes along. Fine. You can live with them. They go. Fine. You can go. You understand? This means that you're happy no matter what. That's one reason why we call this like non-attachment or letting go. Because attachment means you have to have this person. You have to have that person. You have to have this in order to be happy. In other words, your happiness always becomes dependent depending on having that partner around. Depending on having those people to support you. Depending on having those kids who love you. Remember when your happiness is dependent is very fragile and uncertain. Because people leave, things go wrong and you can't stop it. Sometimes you know this is what happens. That's what happens to septic systems. They stuff up. That's why they have plumbers for they didn't put stuff up. We wouldn't have any plumbers getting any work. Some relationships. Sometimes they begin after they must end. People go to different parts of the world. Sometimes they die. This is our nature. If your happiness is dependent upon having that person or those people around you know you're asking for suffering. But can we find another type of happiness than the Buddha said, yes you can. A happiness which could enjoy that person when they're around and enjoy the moment. But when they depart, you don't linger on the past. You let it go so you can face and enjoy the next thing which comes. This is not being cold. It's not being disinterested in life. It's being interested. Passionate about the present, but dispassionate towards the past. The only simile I can give is that famous simile of the concert, which I use for funeral services. Why is it that you never cry after a great concert? Or you might see a wonderful way. Sometimes you do cry after a movie because it might be one of those wee peas where you know something. But why is it when you go to an entertainment place you never look? Why is it you never cry at the end of one of these Dharma talks on a Friday night, even though it's over now, and, oh, we're not going to be able to see a Dharma tour for another week. Oh, it's so sad. Well, what happens in another week's time? My last summer tour for three months. Oh, that's so sad. Why don't you. Maybe it made me feel good if you so few people cry. But hopefully you never cry because you go away inspired, uplifted and enjoy. Just this evening at Dharma Loka Center. Like a great concert. You feel so wonderful. You were there at the time. You enjoyed it. It was great fun, I was wonderful. That's how you should live life. That person's around you enjoy every moment when they're there, when they leave. Wow. What a wonderful time we had together. Never feel sad about the ending of things, because the endings show that you had something there together. Otherwise. You would have nothing. So when people disappear. Wow, it's wonderful time. Thank you so much. There's never sadness there. There's a passion for the life of the joy. But not to hold on to it. To control it and ask for life. Something it can never give you. To have all these people around all the time. For you. It can't happen. So understanding, really deep understanding and wisdom helps you let go instead of being attached, which just creates more and more pain. You should know that by now. Deep understanding. Contemplate it. Look at it in different ways. Different perspectives, different frameworks. Means you can let go. So when you have a nice relationship, wonderful. Enjoy it when it goes. I had a wonderful time together. Thank you so much. And is no bad feelings. Now you're single. Wow. Isn't this a wonderful a new concert, different type of music. But you can still enjoy it. That way you find whatever happens to you in life, wherever you go single, celibate or whatever, you can really enjoy everything. Which is why. That being a celibate monk for 33 years. Such a simple lifestyle. You go back to your heart and you just get so peaceful. It's not that you are afraid of relationships. I know that sometimes stupid people say, ah, we know about you monks and nuns. You're just afraid of committing to a relationship. Gee. Come on. Been in relationships before? Before I was a monk. But it was so much more peaceful. This is not done through fear. This is done through the love of the simplicity and the peace of singleness and that singleness. Will you go back to your heart and there's nothing there. Those of you who went to visit my cave last week because it was open for visitors. Now it's closed for another three months because I'm hibernating in there. Just like bears hibernate in caves. Brahms and Brahms hibernate in caves throughout their whole range of retreat. So I'm meditating in there, just so peaceful. And still those of you went in there that's not, um, uh, tidied up just for visitors. As you saw it, that's how it always is. And there's nothing there. And it's great going in that cave sitting so still hardly anything around. Closing your eyes and even everything you see around you disappears. And your singleness and emptiness. You feel the more at peace you become. This is one of the great teachings of Buddhism that you don't get happiness through things. In fact, the more things you have around you, the more complicated it is, the more it takes you outside of that peaceful, single abiding inside. But through that wonderful celibacy, that singleness. I often say a monastery is a community of hermits. That's why we have our huts in separate locations. You go to GT gallop, you go to serpentine. You see where deliberately separated from each other. The hearts are supposed to be far enough apart. You're not supposed to be able to see anybody from your heart. Sometimes you can be there, no long distance away. But we try and make it appear like your own. Your own. And we are delighted that a lot. So peaceful, so still. You go into your heart. You can't see anybody, can't even see your own body. And you are so still so peaceful. For those of you who know meditation, you know that's one of the highest joys. So it's not out of negativity that you get into celibacy. Is that it is the love of the peace and of simplicity and why it gets so still. Sometimes you wonder, why do you want to engage in these sticky type of relationships? This is her mark. Now I've got heaps of friends. Each one of you is my friends. So you are my family. But rather than having, like, a family where you're committed together to be together all the time. Come and meet you on a Friday night. Maybe slightly sadly. See the monastery at lunchtime. And the rest of the day I disappear. It's a beautiful lifestyle. When you're with people, you enjoy them to the max. When you're alone, you enjoy solitude to the max. And those of you who become Buddhists, this is a wonderful path which celebrates that solitude which says that no, it is as good as, if not even better than, the partnerships and relationships of life. Those of you who've been on retreats, you realise that it's more wonderful just to be still. Be by yourself. After a while you get so used to it. It becomes your natural abiding. And when you're sitting down with your eyes closed, it's not. You don't want to engage with another person. You don't engage even with thoughts or with parts of the future. You know, even married to your history, you're alone, seeking fulfillment in your future. You can see how you're disengaging. Recall the first step of marriage engagement. The first step of stillness in meditation is disengagement is separating. Being alone. Being single with a single mind. When you start to develop that, you find that singleness gives you more peace and happiness and fulfillment. You can never, you can ever imagine. That's why people start as monks or nuns, and they stay for many, many years. Those of you who've known me, some of you know me for many, many years. You know that I'm. I'm a happy monk. I'm very I don't I'm not. I'm ranked because I've got nothing else to do in life. It's not like I think I said last week or I was it here or somewhere. Uh, how about. Oh. Someone once asked me how John Brahm did you become a monk because of a broken heart. Was that the reason why you, you know, gave up the world? Because you were worse. Did in love. Did you become a monk to forget? And of course I answered, no, I didn't. They said, yes, I was right. You have forgotten. Which is logical, but it's not lies. I think I said that last week, but who cares? And. That's not why you become a monk. You become a monk, or you're solitude, or you're by yourself because you're happy to be like that. And after a while, you don't need to worry what other people say about you or what other people think of you. It may be your mother might be getting on your back door to your 36 years old. You still haven't got a guy. I'm not going to get any grandchildren. Tell him to go and get a cat. They're much quieter than screaming kids. A little doggy or somebody and they can love that just as much. But anyhow, just stand your ground. Because if that's how you want to live your life, it's a good life. And it is true to come back from where I started. Our world is overpopulated and that isn't a joke. We know there's too many people in this world, which is one of the reasons why I have problems with water, with, uh, traffic jams, with, um, global warming. We are a small planet growing population. So it's wonderful actually to be single. And if you really don't want to look after a kid, maybe go on a dot one or something once already been born, because otherwise, where are we going to go in this, this planet? We can't keep on expanding the number of human beings. So one possibility and one I think important possibility is to celebrate more singleness. To learn how to be at peace with oneself and not always being defining oneself in the family or in the society in which one lives. It's not the family which is the fundamental unit of society, like some people like to think is the human being is the fundamental of human society. So don't be think you're second class because you're not part of a big family because you're not married. Think that you're doing something wonderful for the future of our world. And married. Suffering, single suffering monks suffering and suffering. It's all there is to what you do with what you've got. The way you deal with the situations which you face in life that is most important. Doesn't matter whether you're single, married, set up or whatever, it's how you deal with that. And if you really know how to deal with it wonderfully well, see, being single is great, especially being celibate. Being alone. Spending time by yourself. But please, please, please don't waste it in front of a TV or a video screen or an iPod or a computer. If you have got the good karma to be single, enjoy it. Spend more time just being in the garden, communing with nature. If you like being still, let nature talk to you. Listen to the birds rather than the babies. Or just being still inside and not having anywhere to go or anything to do. So you just rest still and at peace. Why not? So that's the talk for this evening. Celebrating celibacy. Okay. Any comments or questions. Because that's actually what people ask me to talk on. Celibacy, on relationships. Being single and letting go of especially kids if they sometimes get taken somewhere else and you can look after them, value singleness and silence. What you found here helps you to let go of the other. Okay. Any comments or questions about this evening's talk? No comments or questions? Yes. Thank you. There's so much to think about. You don't have any questions. But that was a question. I comments okay that was a comment okay. Very good. So much to think about. And great. That's wonderful. Because if you can't remember everything that was said, it's always available on the CD and also on the internet, courtesy of the two wonderful people in front of me here who have been videoing this and making sure it's all gets recorded so they can always listen to it at home, on the internet or get a CD here. So what you can understand here, you can actually listen again and after a while you can go to those still places of the heart, the cave inside of you where I'm going to be hanging out for the next week. See you there. I'm some awesome Buddha ago. All Buddha Bhagawan gonna be what day me? So are Cochabamba of martyrdom. All the monomers are mini. Super duper offer a lot or are a circle stand kind of mommy.