How To Deal With Desire

How To Deal With Desire by Ajahn Brahms Since the last time I came. On Friday, I received a couple more emails by my secretary. Of questions or suggestions for today's talk. Uh, one person asked that they have a nice relationship with a nice girl, but they work in the office with many other pretty girls, and they're having trouble. Another person, they asked for some help, and the other person said that in this materialistic world, there's so many things which they can buy and so many things which they can possess. What's the Buddhist attitude to the materialism of our world? So combining those two questions, I wanted to talk about the Buddhist idea of desire. When I was first got into Buddhism and I read that I was supposed to give up all desires, and I thought, is that really right? Can you actually give up all your desires? And I started contemplating what it might be like to have no more desires. And being me, I thought, what would I do if I had no desires? And I needed to go to the toilet? And I thought, what if you had no desires? You'd just go right there and then wherever you happen to be and you make a big mess. And whenever I saw great monks or nuns who had no desire to our hearts, rather they always went to the toilet to do their business. So I understand that even when you're enlightened, you have to have some desires. And even you look at some of the people like my teacher, you look back at people like the Buddha. They did have desires, desires to help and serve and to make a better world, to create more enlightened beings. So that certainly the desire is not a thing which is supposed to be eradicated in Buddhism. But then obviously there are some desires which, you know, I do tend to create huge amounts of problems and sufferings in the world. So I thought this evening I'd just investigate the idea of the concept of desire in Buddhism and to understand this. What desire really is that this desire by itself is not a bad thing, but it's actually there's three aspects to it which make it an unskillful action or thought. And the three aspects of unskillful desire is when it comes from the wrong place. Number two, when it goes to the wrong destination. Well, number three, it comes to the right place, goes to the right destination, but goes by the wrong route. And those are the three mistakes of desire. So look at the first mistake of desire when it comes from the wrong place. How much of the thing which we can recognize as desire. It comes from the sense of me a self, my ego, my possessions. And when it desire comes from that place, it almost invariably creates a lot of mischief and problem for you. And is when it comes to the sense of me and mine that we tend to, number one, create attachments and those things I've mentioned many times here. These things do not belong to you. Eventually they'll be taken away from you. If the tax office doesn't take all your money, your children will when you die. But whatever it is, it just shows you you don't really own it. It's only there for a short period of time. But when the desire comes from the wrong place, when we think it really is ours, it brings up this huge amount of sort of conceit and pride, and a lot of times that the desire actually feeds a sense of ownership, possessions and pride in what one possesses. And that's a huge problem in modern life. I just come back from Sydney. I was in Sydney on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. You wouldn't believe just how many sports cars I saw on the roads in Sydney. It's crazy having. Why do people buy these expensive sports cars in such a place? Number one. They all get stuck in the traffic like everybody else. They can't go fast. Number two, they have all their roofs down. And that means because they're very low vehicles, it means they have to suffer the heavy pollution in the traffic. The more toxic gases are actually they stay right down the higher you are, actually just the less toxic gases you have to breathe. Remember, they haven't got their car closed up. They've got their sunroof open. So they also get some skin cancer. And even worse, they get all the bird droppings on their head. And I'm sure those birds are very, very accurate the way they could aim. So why do people sort of put themselves in his expensive sports cars with the roofs down in traffic, so where they can't really go fast anyway? And this obviously is just for the sake of ego, for the sake of I can see to show off. And after a while, if that's where the desire is coming from, just to say, look at me, look at how much I've got now that I'm somehow better than you, because I've got more than you have. And that's not a desire which is going to lead anywhere except to a lot of suffering, because there's always someone who's got more than you have. And that sort of competition to have the most is a terrible thing. Now in your life. Keeping up with the Joneses is actually that. We used to say that sometimes in the early years of, uh, Buddhism in India, 26 centuries ago, there was actually two religions which were vying for actually three religions which were vying for supremacy. There was the old Brahmin religion. There was Buddhism at the same time was the Jain religion as well. And so, you know, Buddhism and Jainism were actually very, very close together. And so Buddhism really had to keep its act together to keep up with the Joneses. Yeah. Not the job for the Joneses. Okay, if you want to leave now because the jokes don't get any better. Please get out. Somebody's leaving. I appreciate your leaving, sir. But I knew this would have one terrible joke. But the point is that sometimes that if we desire because of conceits, because of in the sense of self, it's coming from the wrong place. It is never really produces anything positive and anything good in our life, because that sense of if we really start to measure ourself against our possessions, there's always something, someone who's got more. As a monk, it's an interesting lifestyle because as you know that sometimes, you know, visit hospitals, you visit old people's places, orphanages, but also rich mansions as well. As a monk, you go to all levels of society, just as you know, a couple of weeks ago I had, you know, the state dinner with the Queen, and there was in my robe and of course, I got stopped at security. They thought, you know, what are you doing in here? And I had my invitation, so I got in. But I also thought actually, he was quite right. What am I doing in here? Because I was penniless and literally. But nevertheless. So if you do meet these incredibly wealthy people and very poor people, that's part of my role as a monk. But what I have noticed when you ask these people who are rich and say, are you rich? They always say, no, no, no, I'm not rich. The person next door is rich, but not me. So I ask you, are you rich? And you say, no, I'm not rich. But you ask someone, say in Africa or in sort of Bangladesh. And you, everyone in this room is rich. We never think that way. Or is you think that you are average or you're poor. And so doesn't matter how much you have. It's never enough. If it comes from the sense of self, and if it's the idea of like measuring yourself by your possessions, you find that it's a huge stress in your life. So much so that you always have to work so hard until you just burn out and die, just again, trying to keep up with the Joneses or trying to keep up with the monastery next door. If you're building a monastery or trying to sort of keep up with someone else, what are you doing that for? Why do you allow other people or what they are doing to control your happiness? We're supposed to be individuals in this Western world. We're supposed to have this freedom to do as we like, as long as it doesn't interfere with other people. So why do we always keep measuring ourselves by others? Is it really the case that you're only a success in life if you have many possessions? If that's the case, then you're missing out on what real success is. Because success doesn't mean how much you have. Success is how much contentment you have, how much peace you have. A lot of times the more you have, the more worries you have. The bigger the house, the bigger your investment portfolio. When I was staying in New York last November, one of the monks friends, one of the monks, actually many of the monks have actually been there and done that. One of the monks was a investment broker making huge amounts of money and spending just that amount all the time. One of his friends, and he was an investment broker in Manhattan. I stayed in his apartment and he always had the Blum Bloomberg Channel on almost 24 hours a day, because he was always watching to see what stocks were going up, what stocks were going down. And sometimes you wonder, is that real freedom or are they always worried all the time? So sometimes the more you have, the more worries you have, the more you have to protect. The bigger your car, the more you have to worry about a security system. And the bigger your house, the more you have to worry about the burglars. So it's nice living in a little cutie in a hovel. The burglar comes in. They can take whatever they want. There's nothing there for them to take. There is no DVD. There is no plasma screen TV in my hat. There's no jewelry, there's no money. So if any burglar comes into my hut, they get very, very disappointed. All they have is a few dumber books and hopefully they will take those. But I doubt it. But the point is that it always seems to be that the more one has, the more one has to worry. The bigger the house, the more housework there is. And the bigger the car, the more expensive. Just the more the insurances. So sometimes you wonder, what are you doing this for? And again, if it's really coming from a sense of me, it's coming from the wrong place. Really, that if we have a lack of desire, it should not even be coming for other people. This is why that in Buddhism, classically there's been two types of Buddhism. The first type of Buddhism, which people actually call Himalayan and is concerned about yourself, your own needs, your own enlightenment is getting, you know, whatever you want out of the spiritual tradition. For you, it's a selfish path, which is why that someone call that even spiritual materialism. You desire things, but for yourself. And the other type of Buddhism they call Mahayana, which is not really concerned about yourself, but concern about all other beings sacrificing yourself for others. I will say that both are coming from the wrong place. One is actually just concerned about yourself. One is actually not concerned about yourself at all, concerned about the other. And you're forgetting yourself. You count. But other people count as well. And so the right place where desire should come from is not. What can I do for them? Not what can I do for me? But what can I do for us? You can see the wisdom in that. That when it's personal, just about me, it never works. The desire just goes to a wrong end. When it's about the other person. You're selfless. You sacrifice yourself. You are the martyr. Then again, after a while you get suffer. You get burnt out. But when it's us, you're involved. But not just you. Everybody else when it's about us. If the desire is coming from the place of us, then it's coming from the correct place. Now, many of you just notice what happens when you do get selfless and you sacrifice yourself for all other beings, which could be your husband, your wife, your family, your company, your job, or whatever it is you're sacrificing yourself for. When you're not involved in the equation, there's something important which is missing. The desire, even though it might seem to be noble, is coming from the wrong place. That sometimes. Why? There's even like suicide bombers. They kill themselves for the sake of something else. They're missing out on an important point that they're involved in this. Selflessness is wrong. Selfishness is wrong. There's something else is this interconnection? We're in this together. So if I sacrificed myself for all you guys, then I'm missing the point. But if I'm just being selfish and sitting in my heart by myself, not giving a damn about the whole world, this little hermit in its own little, little space, I'm missing the point. The desire has to come from us. And I mentioned that before that this is important. When I tell this to people when they're getting married or having relationships, dysfunctional relationships begin. When some person in a relationship is the opinion of a partner, and the other partner is the Mahayana partner, the opinion a partner in a relationship is just concerned about themselves. The Mahayana person in relationship is concerned about the other person. And is usually many relationships like that. Or you may have been in one of those relationships and you know it never works out if it is selfish. Of course it's dysfunctional, but many people don't realize how equally dysfunctional it is when you don't consider yourself at all. You just consider the other person you sacrifice. Give sort of a work. Don't think about yourself. After a while you get burnt out and the relationship doesn't work anymore. So it has to always be about us. Now, when the desire comes for the common cause coming from us, then it's coming from the right place. So it's not about you. It's not about them. It's all about us. And straight away we have this inclusiveness which realizes that our desire should not just be. We're not just alone in this world. It's not just little island where we look after ourselves and think, if we've got everything made, then everything will be okay. When we realize it's about us, then to us, we can't just live in some mansion in a gated community thinking that nothing else can actually harm us. We've got ours and nothing else matters. The point is, when we are in this together, other people matter. We can't escape from the effects of like, poverty in other people. And this is one of the amazing things to realize in this world, when we are in it together, then, is an incentive that our desire is to do the best for all of us. We share when it's us. It's a place where our desire comes from. Then we are community minded. We're family minded with global minded. Rather than just being concerned about me, my family, my group, my religion, my nation, or even my planet. When we realize that we're in it together, that we are integrated in that sense. Then we understand why desire has to come for us. As one monk said many years ago, that it's like a family or like a nation, or that any group is like the fingers. On one hand there are five fingers on a hand, but if one finger gets hurt and gets infected, then you can't use the whole hand. So every little the little finger has to look after the big finger. The middle finger has to look after the little finger. The index finger has to look after the thumb because the fingers are in it together. So if any finger is selfish, I'm okay. But your other fingers you might be hurt. It doesn't work because there's a connection there. We're in it together. And I'm sure you'll appreciate this. If any person is hurting. If any person is poor. If any person is suffering, you may think you can close your eyes to it and forget about it. And thinking, I've got mine, I'm okay. I don't care about anyone else, but that is just complete delusion. You are never able to do that. You'll never be able to be at peace, to be content when there's other people who you see, you hear or even know who are hurting and suffering in this world. When we realize we're in it together. Then I'll decide. Never comes from me. Never comes from them. It always comes from the beautiful place of us. So when desire is coming from us, then personal possessions or personal. What I've got, comparing to what you've got, it doesn't really make sense anymore. Because it's not what I've got. It's what we've got is important. And so we work together as a family. Isn't that the case? You may have many people in the family, but you all live in the same house. We all live in the same house called planet Earth. And we can. One person can exploit it, but it affects everybody else. We're in it together. One boat where everybody has to work together. So it never comes from personal. Even in business, if you just think you're just going to screw as much as you can out of your company or out of your business and forget about everyone else, your business is soon going to get wrecked. But when we're in it together, we realize that we're a team. We're a family. We're a people who have, for his whole success depends on each one of us playing our parts. And if one goes down, we all go down. Then we have a sense of having to work together. So when the desire comes not for me or not for them, but from us, then it's coming from the right place in Buddhism. But even if it comes from the right place, it has to go to the right destination. And sometimes when people look at the destinations of our desires, sometimes it goes to silly places. That person who was, uh, had a nice relationship and sees these other beautiful women in the office. And sometimes you wonder, where is my desire going to go to know? And everybody has to be a monk in one sense of the word. And by that I mean so the monks have to be restrained because they're celibate. And sometimes that, you know, especially these young monks, sometimes early 2021, they see these beautiful girls. There's one of my monks of just over a year and a half ago, we had our Catena ceremony at Quotidiano Monastery. Many of you go down for that day. It's a wonderful day. There's many people had their cars parked outside and just. I don't know why these two girls, but they were dressed not to go to a monastery and more like to go to a nightclub. In fact, you know, there was more they weren't wearing than they were wearing. But these two, two girls that they were interested in, Buddhism, they saw there was something happening in this monastery. They said, I just came in for a look. And of course, they went to the youngest of my monks and his poor young man, after talking with these incredibly beautiful girls, had to go and lay down for two hours. The poor thing. You know, the young monk. You know this poor guy. It's like now that I'm a bit older now, but even I get into trouble sometimes. I told this story, I think, in Sydney. This is a true story, I don't know. Last time I told us about when I was in Bunbury, I used to go, uh, teaching in the the prison down in Bombay many, many years ago. And the only way I could get down there was to take the, the midday train, and I would, uh, the toilet was in the evening. That's the only transport I could get. And so I had the afternoon free to teach in the evening and stay the night at the Catholic parish house. They're very friendly over there. Very nice to me. And take the train back in the morning. So one afternoon it was a free afternoon and there was a beautiful beach at Bunbury. So I went down there. No one was around to meditate on the beach. Nice quiet place, nice nature. So there I was meditating and I closed my eyes and went into a deep meditation. Maybe for an hour, an hour and a half or two hours, I can't remember, but I meditate for a long time. I'm a professional meditator. This is what I do. The trouble was, when I came out of my meditation, I looked to my left. This is true. On my left were this beautiful 17 year old girl in the bikini just sitting right next to me. I thought, my goodness, what's happening? And I looked to my right, and on my right was another beautiful 17 year old blonde in her beach gear as well. I thought, my goodness, I hope no one's got a camera. I would never be able to leave that out, because there was a Buddhist monk on the beach with two floozies on either side in attire, which was very inappropriate being next to a Buddhist monk. What actually happened was that it was the end of that afternoon. They finished their final exam from the Bunbury High School. As soon as they finished their exam in their bathers to celebrate. And they saw this strange guy, this Buddhist monk, there, and they were just interested in Buddhism and meditation and saw me sitting there really still. I didn't know they'd come up. I was in my deep meditation and they were waiting patiently for me to come out of meditation. To ask questions on, you know, what was going on. But you know what would have happened if someone had seen that? I would have never. That was the real reason. But how would you believe that no one would? So they go to interesting situations. As a Buddhist monk, even actually once I went to a bikie funeral at Fremantle, the the son of one of my disciples who was in a biker gang, and he unfortunately sort of drove his motorbike into a lamppost and died. But you know, where the bikie funerals and all these bikies were there with their letters and all these, they're what they call the Viking girls. But anyway, that they hardly had anything on at all. And it's supposed to be a funeral. I don't know what they were when they're going out, but for a funeral they were hardly wearing anything. But they're really kind people, so there's no problem there at all. But the point of this is that, you know, sometimes that, you know, you have to face as a monk, sort of, you know, scantily clad women. And there's nuns after, you know, a set of face hot men. Whatever it is. But the point is that you do as a man just realize, you know, you have a commitment there. This is your way of life. You freely chosen this. So you develop little ways of restraining your desires. Why do you do that? Because you have an overarching desire for peace. Contentment for freedom. And so the desire which you have just now for the natural sometimes desires, you know, for you get excited because you see something you want. Sometimes you stop and think, now, is this what I really want? What are the consequences of my desires? So because of that, that everybody in this life, whether you're a monk or none or living out of the world, in the world, you have to have some ways of restraining your desires. Because if you just allow just all desires just actually to flow, then you find you may be going with the flow, but the flow may be going to the divorce courts and all sorts of other terrible places where you rather not end up. So that everybody has to develop some degree of restraint. And because Buddhist monks and nuns, we really know restraint because we're absolutely celibate. We have some great tips for when you have desires to actually to restrain them for the sake of the overarching desire of peace, happiness, harmony, what you really want in life. And so the advice for that young man is actually obviously, if you if you already got a relationship with somebody, know that your real desire to to keep that relationship going as long as possible. Now you committed yourself to a person and they trust you, and you get more happiness and more joy maintaining that relationship. And if you just follow these other little desires which might come up from now and again. So the first thing to do is actually make your priorities quite clear what you really want in life, what your overarching desires are desiring for the right thing. And they want you to have the priorities right. It's so easy to resist those other desires. Now, one of the things which I used to do as a young monk, you know, when I had lots of lust inside of me, if ever I saw a beautiful girl coming to my monastery in Thailand, I'd always look for her pimples. She'd always have one somewhere. And as soon as I saw that. And it's not that beautiful anymore. Now, this is not being down on women. It's just a desire to have some sort of restraint. If you see a gorgeous looking guy. You do the same thing. There's always something wrong there somewhere. But the point is that sometimes when desire comes up, it tends to sort of bend the perception of the mind. It literally makes you crazy, but is sometimes strange sometimes. Why people fall for one person, not another person. Because a lot of times what desire does. Especially the sexual desire tends to make you a little bit crazy and mad. You forget. You know where your happiness truly lies, what your overarching desire is, and the desires of the moment just obsess you. And this is actually where sometimes people do commit adultery. What do they do that for? If they look at the big picture, it's a moment of happiness, but many, many moments of pain and disappointment afterwards. So we keep the overarching desire, what we really want in life. When you understand what you really want in life and are not just a momentary pleasures because there's no end to those momentary pleasures, and after a while you never really feel satisfied. It's just like eating as much as you want, just gives you stomachache, sleeping with this person or that person for as much as you like. So then what's the point of this in the end? Is it just a momentary pleasures? And the more pleasure you have, the more you need. And so after a while, we look at these desires and be sensible. Be wise about them. Find out what we really want. Not what we really want. Is this like peace and contentment? Now to find if you're in the world, to find a partner you can settle down with and understand the desire has to be a wise. You'll never find a perfect partner in this world. The perfect partner doesn't exist. This comes under the category of what Arjun Shah used to say of searching for the tortoise with a moustache. If you're looking for the, you're more likely to find a tortoise with a mustache than you are finding the perfect partner in this world. And I know this because I've talked to many, many people with marital problems and I always say their husband is like this. And I've listened to all the descriptions of the husbands and quite frankly, for my research over many years I've been in among all husbands are the same. So you think you're going to change one and get a better model? They're basically exactly the same. Believe me. Trust me. And it's the same with girls as well. You think the next one you get might be the right one for you? Now they're all the same. Don't worry about it. What we're saying there is that sometimes we have unrealistic expectations, and the unrealistic expectation gives us desires which can never be met. Our desires are going for a goal which never exists. It's unreasonable desires. And so when we look at the goal of our desires and we realize it's expectations, things which are unrealistic. And we understand why that type of desire going for the wrong thing will always lead to disappointment, frustration, and a lot of suffering. A huge amount of suffering comes from, you know, unrealistic expectations. So when we have realistic expectations, we know the rules of the game. If you want a relationship, this is what it's like. If you want a set of kids, this is what kids are like. Don't look at kids, other people's kids, you know, when they bring them out. Just look at the mother and how tired she is. Look at the father to think how hard he has to work to look after these people. It's much better to have cats and dogs than have a kid. And he's the cat and dog never, you know, crashes your car. Or even better, there's people actually once said because they worked out. When we first went to England, the monks from our monasteries first went to England and people thought, wow, looking after these monks is so expensive. You have to get them a monastery. You have to feed them, get them health insurance. And they worked out. It's much cheaper to look after them than it is to look after a dog. So the idea is every home can have one. Take her for a walk in the morning and they wagged at her. Ask her mother. The point is, when we have unrealistic expectations, we only end up with frustration and frustration soon leads to anger, and anger leads to depression all coming from unrealistic, unrealistic expectations or desires in life. For we know what the rules of the game are, we can work within those rules. And if it's having a relationship, we know exactly what to expect and we can actually work within that. We can actually work to keep their relationship go. We don't expect the very best. We never expect arguments and have the strategies when those arguments happen. Like the person in office, you can expect as a young man, a young woman to have no desire for somebody else. But you know what? That's going to happen. So you have those strategies now to remind you. So keep them to that person who asked that question. Keep a picture of your partner. And just whenever you see a beautiful girl in the office, get out the picture of your partner and just look at her. Now to remind yourself of your commitments, to remind yourself of what you really want in life. And once you have the bigger picture there, then obviously you'd usually choose, you know, your partner, the one you know, the one you've committed to as the more likely to give you what you really want in life, which is peace, contentment, the sense of freedom because I'm unrestricted, desires when we keep on indulging them again and again and again. It's like an addiction to any sort of drug after a while that we don't have any freedom left. There often said there are two types of freedom in this world. One is not a real freedom at all. It's called the freedom of desires, where we allow every desire which comes into our mind to be sort of met anything we like to eat, anything we like to do, and we like to sleep with any sort of sexual preference or whatever, just allow it to, to all be expressed. And we think that's allowing our desires actually just to explore the world. But after a while it becomes like the tyranny of desire because, you know, we think we're generating the desire, but after a while, the desire controls us. No, it becomes addictive. We have to have that food. We have to have that sex. We have to have that whatever else it is. And that is no freedom anymore. It becomes a tyranny of desire. Which is why that when one does exercise a little bit of self-discipline, a little bit of restraint, when you see that thing you want to buy, you say, no, because I can't afford it, and I'd rather use my funds for something else. When there's a little bit of restraint and discipline. What one actually realizes afterwards is a freedom from that tyranny of always having to have it, always having to to get it to having everything you want supplied in ancient societies, that always had to be that discipline. And we learned that discipline not to just do whatever we want to get it straight away. Because instant gratification. The instant, the instant addiction. That instant addiction never leads to any freedom whatsoever. There's always something else you need. You want. The classic story, which I wrote in my book, was a time when I was a very happy young monk, a happy young monk in this very poor monastery, one meal a day, disgusting food in huts with many mosquitoes on a hard wooden floor. Not even a mattress. But I was very happy there. Until one day someone came along. And because I'd helped them, they asked me. Is there anything I can get you? Is there anything personal you want? And they said a sum of money. There was only 100 baht or something about $4 at the time. Before they asked me, I was so content and happy. I never wanted anything. But as soon as they made that offer, I started to think, what do I want? And I really couldn't think clearly at the time, maybe because of excitement, but they were very busy and so they went away and they said they'd come back the following day. So I had all night to think what I could get for 100 baht. And I got a piece of paper out and started writing it down on that piece of paper. What? I wanted 100 baht in five minutes. I'd written down so many things. At 100 baht was not enough. In half an hour the whole page was full and 10,000 baht would not be enough. And I realized the mistake of desire that once you have desire, there's never enough. So I screwed up that piece of paper. I threw it in the bin and told that person, please never do that to me again. Before I had the opportunity to get things with your offer, I had everything I wanted. I wanted for nothing. I was free of desire. But now I had that opportunity. I realized the tyranny of desire. It was never enough. Even if you win the lottery this week. Would it be enough? It's well known that people who win the lottery once buy a lottery ticket the next week. And why is that? Because it's never enough. People who make their first million. Do they retire? No. They keep on working because 1 million is not enough. There are few people in this world who've not just made 1 million, but made 1 billion. Do they retire and enjoy themselves? No, because 1 billion is not enough. How much is enough? Enough is when you can discipline your desires to say this is enough. However, much that happens to be the wealthy person is not the person who has millions or billions or nothing. The wealthy person who has everything they want. The one who wants for nothing, who has discipline. They're wanting to be content. When you understand that contentment is what all this wealth is all about. That this peace, this happiness is really why we have all these desires. Is it really what we want in the long run? But we forget what we want. So sometimes whenever I got any craving as a monk, whenever I was disappointed, whenever there's feeling ill at ease, I would often ask myself, what do you want? It's a great question to ask yourself for the spiritual life, or just in life in general. Sit down in the quiet times of your life and say, what do I really want? Whenever actually an answer comes up and says, is that really what I want? And keep investigating what the goal of your desire really is. In the end, you'll come no to this spiritual qualities. That's what you really want. You want peace. You want love, friendship, kindness, ease. This is what you really want. So ask yourself. And don't just go through life without asking that question and and accept what other people say it is. You want, what the media says you want, or what the advertisement says you want. And sometimes those advertisers advertise. Now, sometimes I see this in the when I'm on the aircraft, they have these, um, screens come down and you can actually see this adverts, stupid adverts, which they say what you what you need or what you want. When you actually question all of that and find out what do you really want and find out, then you will have the right goal of desires. You want that peace, that freedom, that friendship, and sometimes the other desires actually don't reach that end. Sometimes, contrary to that end. And the desire for instant gratification doesn't give you that peace, that real happiness which you truly want. Amassing many possessions. Why do people have all these conveniences in their house? In fact, you know, after a while, you just. They're not really convenient at all. Sometimes whenever I see these computers, sort of. I hate those computers. Someone just told me today there's something called computer age. You never have that computer age with the old typewriters, I remember. Or when you write your things out on a piece of paper by longhand. Whenever I get a pen out, the pen never crashes. The the paper never shuts down. So sometimes you wonder, why are these things which we have? We call them conveniences. But are they really all that necessary? Sometimes. There seems to be that the more things we have, the more complicated life becomes convenient but troublesome. One of our monks used to say, though sometimes a simplicity becomes a wonderful thing in life because simplicity gives you the freedom which you think really all those possessions wanted. It's great being a monk, because being a monk I'm allowed to be simple. And people don't question it. And it's great just having this place where I live, there's no furniture, there's just a couple of mats which I sleep on or sit in. It's so easy to clean just one room. I don't know how many rooms you have in you. Your house. And how many people live in your house? You can only stay in one room at a time. So it's wonderful having simplicity because then actually you get what you really desire in life. So find out what you really want in life, and then don't just be conditioned by media, by other people. Keeping up with the Joneses, what other people think. Have that courage to go your own way in life. And when you have that courage to go your own way in life, you realize what you truly want is not to be found in the material things outside, but always to be found inside. There's a great story which I was told in Bangkok airport when I was waiting for a plane many years ago. This guy came up to me and told me this Islamic story. But I've changed it a little bit to, uh, to fit a Buddhist context. And there was a the story of this, uh, monk who was staying close to a very poor man's hut, and the poor man was just so happy to feed this man, just give him his few, uh, essential possessions which he could afford, and got very attached to this monk. But one day the monk said it's time he had to leave. And the poor man was very sad that his monk, who had looked after for such a long time, who got to love and care for, was about to go. But the kindly old monk said to him, never mind. Before I go, I'd like to give you a gift. I will tell you where a great treasure lies. I've seen you so poor, and I want to help you. And the poor man was very interested and very excited, because this was a monk who would never lie. If he said there was a treasure, there would surely be a treasure there. And the man gave the instructions. I'm going to go this afternoon. But tomorrow morning I want you to stand at the threshold of your poor little hut with your bow and arrow. And I want you to face the rising sun. And when that sun appears over the horizon with your bow and arrow, I want you to let that arrow fly. And where the arrow falls, there you will find a great treasure. And then the monk left. And so the man hardly slept at night because he knew what the monk said. Must be true. So he got his bow and arrow out. Go up a couple of hours before dawn. His wife was carrying the shovel, and. Well, they were sexless in a hundred years ago, so who cares? And he was waiting there. And when the sun rose above the horizon, he got his bow and arrow. And he shot the arrow and let it fly in the direction of the rising sun. And he ran after it. And where the arrow fell, he actually he and his wife, they both. Doug. Doug. Doug. Doug. Doug. It's deep. They weren't finding anything except big trouble, because that was in the field of a wealthy man. And the wealthy man said, I'm gonna have you arrested. You can't dig in my field and spoil my field. And when the man said what had happened, he said, look, there was that mug. That mug, that mug told me to do this. And he said he'll find a treasure there. And the landowner thought, I know those monks. They never tell a lie. So there's something wrong here. And he looked at this poor, uh, owner of the hut and said, and you don't know how to shoot an arrow? I will shoot the arrow tomorrow morning. And there we go. 50. 50. That's better than going to jail. So the man had to agree. So the following morning, the landowner and the poor man with his wife carrying the shovel again. They were there waiting for the sun to go up. This time the rich man had their bow and arrow. And when that sun rose, he shot the arrow in that direction. It went much further. And they all ran after the arrow. And where it landed they dug a big hole, and they found nothing except more trouble, because that field belonged to a general in the army. And with his soldiers they arrested a lot of them. And when the rich man said, it's not my fault, it's this guy's fault, the poor guy. And when the poor guy said, it's not my fault, it's a mouthful. This is what he said. And the general also knew these monks don't lie. So obviously, you know, you're just a layperson. You don't know how to shoot a bow and arrow. Tomorrow morning I will go there and we'll split it. Third, third, third. So they agreed upon that. And the following morning, there they were at dawn. And this time the strong general had to bow out. He really knew how to shoot bows and arrows or arrows, but not bows. And anyhow, where the sun rose. He let the arrow fly in the direction of the rising sun, and they all ran after it with a few soldiers at this time of carrying the shovels, because they were really good at digging, and when they got to where the arrow fell, they dug a huge hole. They found nothing except more trouble, because that was in the King's garden. And this time the whole lot of them got arrested and dragged before the king. This was a big offense, destroying the king's garden, and they were all in big trouble. So they asked the general, what did you do this for? And he said, this is rich guys for the rich guy said, what do you do this for? And this, this poor guy's fault. And what did the poor guys say? Not my fault. Is that all monks fought? And the King said. Mhm. These monks, they don't lie. So put them all in, in prison for a few days while he's sent for this monk and his soul to search for this monk. Soon they found him and they dragged him back to the palace, and the monk said, look, I don't lie. There is a treasure to be found there. Tell you what, said the monk. We'll all go there the following morning. And you, King, you're good with a bow and arrow. You could hold a bow and arrow this time, but this time follow instructions, because I will be there. The last few times they did not follow my instructions, which is why they couldn't find the treasure. So the king was intrigued. So the following morning there was the king, the general, the rich man, and the poor man with his wife, with the spade. Doesn't matter. It has a happy ending. And a monk as well. And they were waiting for the sun to rise. This time the king had the bow and arrow. And as the sun was rising, he faced on the threshold. He faced the rising sun. And the king put the arrow in the bow. And as the sun rose. Who's about to shoot it? When the monk said, stop. You're not following the instructions. And the king said, repeat the instructions. I said, stand on the threshold, face the rising sun, and then let the arrow fly. I never said, shoot the arrow. I said, let it fly. So the king let go of the arrow, and it flew downwards between his feet and the threshold itself. And there the wife dug just a small hole, and they found this huge treasure right where the man had been standing all along. And then all of that story was when we shoot the arrow of desire, looking for the treasure, we forget that really, we should just let the arrow fall where we're standing. There you will find the treasure. So the moral of that story is, even though we think that when we get this, then we'll be happy when we go over there and get this, then we'll be happy. Then you'll find when you let desire go, you find you are happy all along, Ernie, you're always looking in the wrong place. Which is why that in Buddhism, why in meditation we say the real desire should not be looking for things outside of yourself. For shoot the arrow inside, for look for the happiness which you already have, but which we forget when we're looking for something else. Why is it desire? Always thinking something else. Then I'll be happy and we forget what we have right now. You think that when I change my husband for some other toy boy or something, then I'll be happy. Or when I change my girlfriend for this other floozy who looks much more, then I'll be happy. You're forgetting what you have now. Then you find that real happiness comes from appreciating what you already have. You're standing on the treasure. Of what you already have. And when we're content with what we have, when we're at peace with what we have, well, we just know that this is good enough. We can appreciate the simple things in life. Like your daughter, your wife, your husband. Surely there may not be the best, but actually, they're pretty good. And you look at your little house or your heart or whatever else it is. Surely it's not the best in Perth, but it's. It's home. It's nice, even if it's a small little apartment which is falling apart. After a while you get quite used to it and it's, well, it's home. And with that type of contentment, you understand what really the arrow of desire is really there for. When we understand the true goals and the path to those goals, then we understand what real desire is, is for us. Not just me, not just for them. And the true goal of life is contentment, peace, happiness, joy, which really we don't need all those possessions for. If you have those possessions, fine. If you don't have them, fine. It's not important. What really is important, what the main desire should be is that contentment, that inner peace where the arrows should be falling. And then we can actually work, you know, in our jobs, in our businesses, in our monastery. We try to do the best, but it's never building a monastery for me. It's never building a house for me. It's never building a company up for me. It's never working for money to Friday or like me for Monday to Monday. I have two jobs. I may have 3 or 4 jobs. I have my weekend job here in Perth, and I have my weekday job in serpentine. When I do have holidays, I have jobs in Sydney and Melbourne, all these other places I have to go to. I hold many jobs. But we don't do this for myself. We don't do it for others. Always do it for us. And when your desire is for the peace and happiness of us all, then we understand what desire is all about. So it's not just getting the material things of life. Find out what the real desire is, what you really want in life. When you know what you really want. Then know what we already want as this world. Then get the right path to getting it. Exploiting other people. Getting angry is not the right place. The right way to achieve peace on this world. And sometimes you. And that's why, you know, wise is like people like Mr. Bush invading Iraq for the sake of democracy. For it is for the sake of democracy. You get the Iraqis to vote on it, first of all, before you invade. Oh, we're trying to sort of get, you know, kill all the terrorists for the sake of peace. Although I think the First World War was built, a war to end all wars. You don't end wars with wars. You don't create sort of, uh, democracy with unilateral action. You don't create peace with violence. You don't create love with anger. You understand what these things really are. You understand the means to achieve your ends is also so important. It's like as a Buddhist society, you know, sometimes it's so easy to cut corners as any charity and community and think, okay, let's argue, let's be dominant so we can actually get the best things for our Buddhist society. But the most important thing in our Buddhist community or any society, is not what we achieve, but how we achieve it. And so I've always said to the committee, who's run this place? I'd be more happy that this place is run down dirty with leaves everywhere, with cracks on all the buildings, as long as people are happy. And they are in harmony and in peace. Because I always remember the meaning of the word community in Christianity was called a church. Do you know the original meaning of church was never a building, but it was the people. The people actually came together to meet those original meaning of a church. That was what was important, not the building. Later on that we forgot and the church became the building. We forgot the people. It's like a Buddhist society. It's the people which are important, not the buildings. And unfortunately, in many temples, especially in Buddhism, it's huge temples, very expensive. But no one goes in them. Something wrong there? The people are important. So when understand what we're really here for, what the desire is supposed to get, what the aim is becomes very clear how it's supposed to act in life. So with desire, it's great to have the good desires. Not for me, not for them. Always for us. And the desire which goes according to the right goals. What we really want in life. Ask yourself, what do you want? What really is it you want? And then once you understand what that is. Find the right path. If it really is peace and harmony, this contentment. Having a partner you can just go home to. Not to fight. To have contentment. A home is a should be a place of peace where you can put your feet up. We don't have to fight in life. We understand what that goals goal is. Then find a means to create that goal. And the means is the most important part. Usually the desire. The means in Buddhism is always like compassion, sympathy, love. That type of means is what creates the great goal. If you make peace, you create peace. If you give forgiveness, you find freedom. If you give love. You find friendship. So when you understand the means to understand why we do these practices like meditation to create a peaceful mind. So it actually makes it quite clear what our real desires are. So if you're in an office with beautiful girls, it doesn't really matter, because what I really want is the peace, the kindness. And then you understand what's important in life. I understand why we do have things like compassion, peace, forgiveness. Those are important qualities which we always emphasize because that's the path for the goal of comfort. So that's a little talk on how what desire is in Buddhism. It's not the desire is wrong. It's actually finding out the desire coming from the right place, going to the right to the destination, and also making sure it goes according to the correct route. If only those three are wrong, usually end up having a big trouble. And that's the last thing we want. So that's the talk on desire. Any questions on that talk this evening on desire? No. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. It's always good to have one question. Okay. Guilt associated with desire. The guilt is the desire for punishment. Where you done something which you think is wrong and you want to be punished for it. And this is what guilt really is. In the Western world, we associate guilt with a judge who said you've done something wrong. But in the Western world, after the the judge says you're guilty, the next thing which happens in the court of law is the sentencing, the punishment. So guilt and punishment are inextricably linked in our, uh, psychology. So first of all, remember that guilt is different than remorse. Punishment never serves any purpose. The story of the Angelika in my monastery many years ago. Who did something wrong? I think he took something in the afternoon from the kitchen and not supposed to eat in the afternoon. But he did, and he came to confess. He felt very guilty. And when I said, oh, forgive yourself, it doesn't matter. In Buddhism you can acknowledge, forgive. You learn the famous AFL code and knowledge. Forgive, learn. But he wouldn't accept that he. He felt so guilty. He wanted a penance. So I thought very deeply. So what penance can I give this guy to try and help him learn how to let go of these things? And what I thought of was I, I'd just been reading a history book on Australia, and I found out that the traditional punishment for the early settlers was a whipping. So I said, okay, we'll give you 50 strokes of the cat. And let's pull out of Jericho. Wait, white. That's not the sort of parish what he expected. Until I told him what it meant in a monastery. 50 strokes of the cat. That was his punishment. We have a cat in our monastery. I tell him to find that cat and stroke it 50 times. That's called 50 strokes of the cat. Traditional Australian punishment transformed by Buddhism into an act of compassion. So obviously he wanted to punish himself because he didn't know how to forgive and be kind. So I said training compassion by finding a cat and stroking it 50 times. Then you may understand why that's a penance for you so you can learn how to forgive yourself. So guilt is just like a a desire for punishment. It's the wrong goal. So now we may have another goal of trying to make sure we don't do things wrong in the future. But punishment never serves that purpose. All that punishment serves is making you afraid to get caught in the future. So you actually you don't stop doing those wrong things. You just make sure you're more sneaky next time. Don't get caught. That's what I learned in school. Guilt of having a desire. It's really weird because sometimes people have the idea that if you're a Buddhist, you shouldn't have any desires at all. And that itself is the desire, desire not to have any desires. So it gets really complicated after a while. So the point of the talk this evening is saying that no desires are inherent in a human being. Even if you're enlightened, if a Buddha has desires, but those are desires for the happiness of all beings, including himself, isn't us. So to make sure you are very clear on desires, the number one, the desires are inherent. So it's not that the desires are wrong, it's some desires are wrong. Some are skillful or helpful. So find out the desires which are unskillful, which create problems in the world. And I pointed out to seeing that those are desires which come from for me or for them. They should be desires which come from the right place, which is from us. And then make sure it's the desire which goes to the right place, not just for instant gratification or material possessions, just for their own sake. She's come for peace, tolerance, harmony, friendship. So make sure the gold is right. Source is right. The gold is right. And then it's going in the right path. The right direction, which is usually through such things as compassion, kindness, giving. And then when you have those three all nicely. Uh, correct, the desire which comes from the correct place goes to the correct goal and goes by the correct path. And you never have to feel guilty about those because they only lead to good things. That leads to peace and happiness of all beings. It's wise compassion. That makes sense. Okay, thank you for that question. Okay. I think many people now have the desire quite uh. Okay. Desire for finish up now to go back home or have something to eat. So there's a very don't have desire you don't need to feel guilty about. So let's finish now with some ads for the song.