Jealousy and Envy

Jealousy and Envy by Ajahn Brahm So the assembly asked me this evening to give a talk on jealousy. Aha! I hope you know what jealousy is, because if you don't, you're going to find out this evening. And hopefully that I can get my energies up to give this talk, because again, I've had a very tough two weeks traveling around, uh, going, giving talks all over the place. And I'm sure that some people are really jealous of me. Oh, I jump wrong. He goes to all these different countries. He goes up in the air all the time. Somebody asked me where I live and I said, that's 30,000ft on Singapore Airlines economy class. That's my home. Well, then sometimes you think, oh, wouldn't it be wonderful to travel around the world? Wouldn't it be wonderful to be a monk and just all have no worries? No worries. Oh, I was such a big burden in my life. But the point is that we can be jealous at anybody. And it's not to say that you know that whatever you do in your life, wherever you go, whatever you achieve, that you'll finish with your jealousies. Because jealousy is a state of mind which can occur anywhere. For example, as I was coming in here thinking of what I was saying, I thought, oh, I'm just so jealous of venerable Camerata here. You can just sit here this evening and not do anything. Well, I have to do all the work and we still get fed the same amount of food. I don't get more than anybody else, even though I do all the work. It's really unfair. And the rows we get sometimes the other monks get the better road than I do. Oh, I can be so jealous. So the point here is he can be jealous of anybody. But what does that jealousy do? It just creates unhappiness and more suffering in life. And the way it's first of all to overcome that jealousy. Understand that jealous is a big problem. Stops you being being happy and stops a lot of opportunity for getting happiness in other people's success. For example, we're going to have our AGM on February and it wouldn't it be wonderful if I got voted out so I wasn't ever anymore? I'm just hoping one of these days when I go back to my monastery, there's been a coup and someone else has taken over being boss. Then I can have a nice, easy time. But sometimes that when you are not the boss, you get so jealous. Oh, if only I was the boss. If only I could take over, I would do things so much better. But do you know you don't do things better. You do it just as worse as the other person. Which is why that when you think what jealousy does, it never achieves the goal which you want, and it usually actually achieves the opposite. There's more suffering and more pain and a lack of the opportunity to enjoy another person's success. Because in Buddhism we have another word, and it's really great. When I started, learning about Buddhism was actually a word called mudra for actually enjoying and celebrating and getting happy on somebody else's success. What a wonderful thing that would be. For example, I know other teas goes out now. I've been away for a couple of weeks. The university entrance exam. The two schools are. They are already. Yes. So some of you, your children have done really well and may be going to university. Some might go even better and go into a monastery or a monastery, because the entrance requirements are very hard to get into there. We only. And some of you will be disappointed. Oh, they didn't get to university at all. I was in Singapore and I told them, look, if your child comes in the top 5%, they're not a good Buddhist. If your child comes in the bottom 5%, they're not a good Buddhist because in Buddhism, we respect the middle way. So your child should come round about the middle somewhere, and the closer they get to the middle, the closer they are to being a good Buddhist. The middle way is the best way of all. But when we actually look at sort of results and why is it that sometimes we get so jealous? Oh, he did so much better than me. She did so much better. And we get jealous of them. But you, if you have some wisdom, you should never get jealous. People who pass exams. People who pass exams have always got another one coming next year. But the ones who fail, they're the ones that last that don't have to do any exams ever, ever again. So sometimes if you don't go to university. Oh, free at last from having to do exams. The point is, again, that sometimes the way we look at life, it's not really sort of wise way we look at life the way we judge. Why are we jealous of someone? What is actually. What are we missing? Why do we look at someone and think, oh, there's so much more beautiful, so much more intelligent, so much more successful than me is unfair. It's not the point, because the goal of life is not to be beautiful. It's not to be rich. It's not to be intelligent. What is the goal of life? To be happy. And people think if I'm intelligent, if I'm beautiful, if I'm rich, then obviously I'm going to be happy. But the main goal we should focus on the main goal is being happy. So, okay, fair enough is so much more happy than you. Than be jealous for richer than you. More beautiful than you. They've got sort of, uh, uh, whatever else you want. And you don't have it for material things. But if it's happiness, okay, then be jealous. And when you be jealous of somebody else's happiness, then what should it be? Do not to destroy their happiness, but to say, what is the secret of their happiness? And then maybe your jealousy will lead you into doing something positive and being happy yourself. One of the first things you realize if you're jealous of somebody else's happiness, I want to be happy too. It's unfair. And the first thing you realize is sort of, uh, not enjoying their happiness is a way of lessening the opportunity for happiness of yourself. Because we have this mood to celebrating someone else's happiness. So it's like a free source of happiness. If somebody else now gets a place in University of Dublin, wherever else. Oh, wonderful. My best friend is so. Well. Doesn't that make me happy? Oh, my. My best friend. Now, the guy I've been I grew up with at school. Now he's married. The most beautiful girl in the world. Oh, that makes me so happy that he's happy. Why isn't it? We don't develop that happiness which enjoys somebody else's success. The happiness which can empathize with other people who have actually got somewhere and made it in the world because that's free happiness. We can celebrate other people's attainments and joy. We do that if we're not in competition with them. We can do that. If I, for example, I'm sure all the Australians were celebrating because I saw it in the newspapers in, uh, Malaysia that the Australians won back the ashes. What a wonderful thing that was. Unless you're English for other people, like sort of people from Sri Lanka and Pakistan and India. Oh, what a great series that was. But if you're English because you're in competition, it's so hard to celebrate somebody else's success. Why is that? It would be great if when we saw someone else winning a lotto, that we also got happy. Apparently they used to have these. They still have it when somebody wins the lottery and I, channel seven or channel nine goes to their house and captures them when they're told that they've won a few million dollars. They still do that on the news or something. But I remember seeing when I was a kid, I did that thing when people would win the football pools in England, the cameras would go down and there the person said, you know, we'd like to let you know that you've won £10 million or whatever. And they they took the pictures of the people, and the people were dancing up and down, away. We won the football pools, the lottery. And it made me feel happy to watch them, because seeing somebody else's success sometimes can bring us happiness. For those of you who watch sport and if it's your favorite team, if the Eagles win the the grand Final. How many of you supported them and felt happy but you did you kick the ball. You didn't win it. The team did. But it's an example of empathy. It's free happiness. You can get as much happiness as Ben Cousins, and you don't have to go through all that trauma of training and getting that have hit. So it's actually a free source of happiness, this empathetic joy. And we do know it in some times in our sporting team when it wins, if our child gets the the scholarship or our best friend. So to get some honour, it makes us feel happy. So why can't we extend this joy at other people's success, wider and wider and wider? That's what it's called. Mood data. The the joy and the happiness. The celebration of someone else. Getting the promotion. Someone else falling in love. Getting married. Someone else becoming enlightened before me. Oh, it's. I've been a monk for 32 years, and a new novice comes into the monastery and only meditated for one week, and he's fully enlightened. Oh, damn him! It's not fair. And if you think like that, you are just stopping yourself, enjoying somebody else's success. So we have to be very, very careful to see this characteristic, this bad, uh, habit of our mind, which actually stops us enjoying other people's happiness and celebrating along with them. Otherwise, we just have to be envious. And when we're envious, it just makes more suffering for us. So how can we overcome their envy? And one thing. So what are you actually envious of? Now the person goes and gets married. They fall in love and they go off with your best friend. My goodness, they can have him or her. Because we all know the stories of marriage. The when you go out together, you hold your your lover's hand out of love, out of affection. And after your marriage, you hold her hand out of self-defense. I never knew what happiness was until I got married. And then it was too late. Love is blind. A marriage is an institution for the blind. For all these jokes which you are laughing at. So when the. The girl. You're going out with Dumbshit and they marry your best friend. Oh, that was so close. And I was close for me a couple of times when I was a student. And if I hadn't got dumped by a girlfriend, I'd dump them. Where would I be now? I wouldn't have been able to become a monk. So I was glad that somebody else, you know, took my girlfriend away. That was a close call. But at the time, you can feel jealous. But at that time, you don't really know what's going on. And so you're jealous for no reason. Or when that person in the office gets a promotion and you don't. And you've worked. There's so much longer than they have, and you work harder than they do, and they get the promotion. It's unfair. Of course it's not unfair. If they get the promotion, they have to work harder, get more stress, and now die of a heart attack earlier than you do. So I'd be envious. Just let them take the promotion if they want. The point is, again, instead of actually being envious and jealous, what we really should think is what a lot of times what we judge, it's not about what's better, because what's really better is that happiness and contentment and joy and none of our judging, our jealousies, our envy, are just not realizing what's really important and taking something of secondary importance. And valuing that. I think I did tell this story about a month ago or six weeks ago, but I'm hoping that many of you are actually looking at you. Many of you are quite elderly, so you do have Alzheimer's disease or incipient Alzheimer's disease, so you forget the old jokes? I told a few a few weeks ago, but I told this in Singapore, I think, last night and made people crack up laughing. And it's a story. And it comes into this talk about jealousy, because the story of the four women in Cottesloe having a coffee in the afternoon, and one says to the other, I'm so proud my son has just become a Catholic priest. And now when the women come into the room, they get out from the seat and I call my son father. I'm so proud of my son, who's just become ordained as a priest. And a second woman in a coffee shop in Bayview Terrace said, ah, it's nothing, just a priest. My son died eight years ago. Now he's a bishop. When he comes in a room, people bow their head and they kiss his ring and they say, your grace. I'm so proud of my son. He's done so well. And because of jealousy, the third woman said, I'm only a bishop. That's nothing. My son is a cardinal. When he comes in a room, people grovel on the floor, on one knee. And I call him all Your Eminence, Your Eminence. And then they look to the fourth woman, and she was just head down to sipping her coffee. Well, well, they said, what about your son? My son? He said, he's not a priest or a bishop or a cardinal. My son is six foot four, blue eyed, blond, self-made millionaire, and he played soccer. He plays footy for the Eagles. When he comes into a room, all the women fall on the floor and say, oh my God, oh my God. It shows what we really respect, what's really important in the world. So much for jealousy. So that's my jealousy joke for this evening. Now. What do we really want? And why are we jealous when we see someone else? Because we think that what they have. We want that. Or we should have got that. So what are we actually jealous of in life? And it's not just the promotions or someone else getting a relationship. Sometimes we go past these big houses, you know, in sort of the the big mansions in Perth, we think, oh, if only we could get that. Well, you should always know that people in those big mansions have always got big mortgages. They haven't got big mortgages. They've got big problems with the police. Well, the ones that the the Crime and Corruption Commission or something. So when actually if you see those big mansions and if you actually go inside of them now because that's sometimes I do those things. I live an interesting life as a monk because as a monk, I still go from the very highest, like last this year, Queen Elizabeth, to the very, very lowest, you know, going into the, the hospitals. And people are really sick and into prisons. They go the very highest or the very lowest. And sometimes you look at, you know, which would you rather be? So the Queen of England or just a bricklayer who just comes to a monastery and lays a few bricks every day? Which would you rather be? Would you rather be the, the, uh, the politician, the the premier of Western Australia? Or would you be a bus driver? Which would you rather be? Would you like to be the the boyfriend of Paris Hilton? Or would you just be content with your old wife? She's 50 or 60. Which would you rather be? And sometimes people are crazy because they love. At what they want, and they really don't realize that what they want is not truly what they need. And because they think that I want this, they get jealous. They get all this stupid wants, and that jealousy creates so much suffering and pain in your life. Unnecessary pain. So it's much better just to find out what is truly worthwhile wanting in life. And this is what Buddhism is all about, is actually understanding what happiness is, what's a cause of happiness, and not following these. These lesser happiness is or being envious of someone else has got this lesser happiness. And instead, if you're going to be jealous, if you're going to be envious, be jealous and envious of real happiness. How many people are jealous of the monks and the nuns who come here, who are just so envious are those monks and nuns. They live such a peaceful life down in domicile, a monastery or in Indiana. Just. They don't have any worries, any debts, worries about sort of the attacks. The taxman coming around to check on your tax returns you don't have any worries about, you know, the car or the the mortgage repayments. You don't have any worries about getting a job you don't have any worries about. You know, what your wife said and what your husband did, whether he's seeing another woman on the side or whether she's about to dump you and get divorced and take the kids to somewhere else, you don't have to worry about the kids and whether they're going to get good results or bad results where they're taking drugs or what they're doing at night when they go out because they don't come back till 2:00 in the morning or whatever happens. Oh, being a monk, sometimes you're so jealous. And so. And that's good. Jealousy. That's good. Envy, envy. Something which is really worth. And if you are jealous of my lifestyle or sister farmers lifestyle, there's a good solution. Join us. There was some years ago I was visiting my mother in London and one of my mates in England, a monk. He was working in the prisons of England, and at that time he had managed to talk around the Home Office in UK into allowing what he called a Buddha grove inside one of Her Majesty's prisons. They erected a big Buddha statue in the grounds. The Buddha statue was donated by his Thai disciples, and the prisoners had actually, uh, landscaped around the area. And it was a place of peace and reflection for any of the inmates of that jail. So that they could go there whenever they're feeling violent, upset or whatever. They can go and sit in a quiet, peaceful place, even though they weren't Buddhist even these days, how many people have got little Buddha statues in their gardens, and why do they have them in their gardens? Simply because they make you feel peaceful and quiet. That's a good thing to have. Many, many years ago must be about 20 years ago now. I went to give a talk in All Saints College. I think it was in Rosman or Bull Creek somewhere, somewhere along the Leach Highway. And after giving the talks, I heard the principal wanted to give me tea and have a chat. And when I went into his office and I'd have a cup of tea with him, I saw this principal, All Saints College, which was a Christian college. He had a big Buddha statue on his desk. I said, well, you got that there for your Christian, and this is now your principal of a Christian school. And he said, oh, I got this a long time ago. It just calms me down and makes me feel peaceful. So actually that's what the same reason why they had a Buddha statue. So that in these prisons you don't have to be a Buddhist. It's just the whole facial features. The stillness or the ethos of a Buddha is that to be peaceful and calm. So he managed to get permission to erect one of these things in the grounds of a prison. And on this time I was visiting my mother. They were having this celebration of the opening of the first Buddha Grove in Spring Hill Prison and somewhere in the middle of England. So I went along for the celebration. And as part of the celebration, as we do here on the race at night, just when the sun went down, we did a circum ambulation, which is taking candles and incense and flowers, walking around the Buddha statue three times as an act of of respect. So that was a traditional ceremony. That's what we did. Had a few monks come, had a Buddhist prisoners, about two of them who were really involved in this. And like a few other dignitaries and Thai people who'd come to who had actually donated the Buddha statue. And as we were going round and round and round and round, it was an inspiring time. I was very happy that there was a Buddha statue going into a prison, the first time I've ever seen that. And I don't actually know you. And as we were going round and round, there were some other prisoners, these other two prisoners who they weren't going to join in, but they were going to watch just to see what was going on. Just the same way, when we have our second member here on Waisake night. There's always a couple of hangers on, lookers on. What are these funny guys doing going round and round in the circle? And these two guys, I caught them out of the corner of my eye. And one of them looked at me and turned to his friend and pointed to me. He said, he's on the gear. For those of you who don't know, that means usually cocaine or heroin. One of the two. Cos I saw my big smile and I thought that's because these were prisoners in there for drugs, mostly. And I thought that smile is obvious. The only time they'd seen a smile that big before was on people who were high on drugs. So that's why I said, no. He's on the drugs. He's on the gear. And of course it wasn't. I don't take drugs, but you just get inspired and happy because you're living a beautiful life. Later, when I told him I saw that guy later on when we had the, uh, the the buffet served by the Thais afterwards. And all the prisoners came for that one. And when I saw him, I said, look, I don't take drugs, and I don't even take alcohol for many, many years. And the reason I had a big smile was because inspiration, like peace, joy. It was a natural happiness because you live a good lifestyle and you meditate and you get inspired by things. And I wish he was really envious of that. Some people have been envious of that. The smile and the happiness which you see in other beings. I was envious when I saw monks in my early life as a student, when I saw monks and nuns as well. In those days, I was envious of their happiness. I was jealous of their lifestyle. Yeah. At the same time. Now, being in a university like Cambridge, I saw Nobel laureates. Her people had won the the top of their field. I think our master's a Nobel laureate in chemistry. He looked at him and I wasn't jealous and envious of him. Now, there was one guy who was a count, you know, this little fellow. And I saw him. No way. As I jealous of him. He could keep his stupid title. And I saw some other people who were born into very, very wealthy families. You know, as even with the kids, they never needed to work at all. They were just so wealthy. I wasn't envious of those either the people I was or is, nor were, nor was I envious. There was one guy in my college who was even at that time playing cricket for Pakistan. A fellow called Majid Khan. And I wasn't envious of him either. Nor was I envious of all these guys who were just even more attractive than I was, and caught all the girls really easy. Maybe I was a little envious at the time, but not that much. What I was really envious of was that these people that went around there being so happy and so peaceful. That really sort of meant something to me. For those of you who've been here a long time, we had a caretaker here many years ago called Jasper, and he was a very strong Buddhist and still is. I remember him telling me what made him be a Buddhist. Again, it was a bit of envy and jealousy, but in a good way, because he came from Melbourne and one evening he went to see a talk. There was a visiting Buddhist monk. I think it was a Tibetan monk, and he was just interested in the philosophy. So he went there to sort of listen. And as they were introducing this monk to give a talk, and I think in some library in the back, this Australian guy stood up and said, don't listen to that evil follower of the devil. Jesus said, the only way to get to heaven is to believe in Jesus Christ, and that guy will take you to hell. Don't believe in him. He was one of these crazy fundamentalist guys. And so people in the audience were very, very calm and said, look, okay, we've heard what you say. Can you please be calm now and quiet? We've come to listen to the mug, not to you. Now, you shouldn't listen to that monkey's evil. He'll take you in the wrong ways. I said look, be quiet. And so they had this big argument, and it took them about 45 minutes to eject this guy. Because he didn't want to go. They had to forcibly push him out. And after pushing him out, there was only about 5 or 10 minutes for the talk because they only hired the place for an hour. So this man could hardly say anything. But that experience had made this guy Jasper to become a Buddhist because he told me it wasn't what the monk said that inspired him. He was his peace and composure while he was being abused. That's what he was jealous and envious of. How could a person be so still and peaceful when people are calling him evil and the devil and he doesn't shout back? He just stands. Sits there peacefully with a beautiful smile of compassion on his face. That's what he was truly envious of. Another story was the story of this abbot of a temple some time ago, who was woken up in the middle of the night. He got up because he heard a sound in the in the main hall, and when he got up to investigate, sure enough, he saw a burglar, and a burglar was trying to open the donation box. And as soon as the burglar saw the app as it stands still. Don't move. I'll kill you! And the abbot said. Sir, those donations are for charity. If you already need them, here's the key. Take them. Is it a trick? I'm trying to sort of be more more dramatic these days. If it doesn't really work, please forgive me. Because you don't learn anything unless you train. And the abbot kindly gave them the key to the donation box. And as a guy was looking at the Abbott holding a big knife and trying to open the box, the Abbott looked at him and said, when was the last time you ate? Shut up. There's some leftover food in the cupboard. There's an old pie here. Still tasty. There's an orange. Take it. And as the guy opened the box and put all the money from the donation box into his bag, he also took the pie and the other banana and apple or whatever. Have it said the the Abbott. And don't call the police either. Or I'll come back and knife you. I won't tell the police, but I'll have to tell my committee tomorrow morning. But go in peace and make sure. You sure you've got enough to eat? There's some more if you want it. And the thief looked at him very strangely and ran off. A few days later, the thief was caught burgling another house and eventually went to jail. After finishing finishing his sentence. He came back late one evening and he saw that happen and said, do you remember me? And the abbot had a very good memory. He said, yeah, I remember you. That person who came to to steal from our temple five years ago. You've been released now? Yeah. And if the burglar took out a knife and said, I've come back again to steal. And the abbot said, take whatever you want. Here's the key to the donation box. And as he said, put the key away. Last time I came, I stole the wrong thing. And he put the knife away and said to the abbot what I really wanted. Was your kindness and peace. Now I've come to steal that. That's what I really wanted to begin with. So please give me that. Or else. So he became a monk so he could steal what he really wanted. Well, that's a little story about what's truly valuable. So sometimes you can be jealous or envious of a person's wealth. But is that what you really want? Isn't it better to be envious and jealous of peace and kindness, compassion? A person who would actually give things away. Rather than sort of fight another person. Someone who's generous and kind. Even when you're being threatened or anything to another person, they may not have eaten that day. And that's the sort of generosity and kindness which I am jealous of. And if I see that in other monks, I think, wow. Well done. Is it so great to see a peaceful, generous, kind, wonderful person? And if I see that not just in monks or nuns, but in people of other religions or other faiths, I think, wow, what a wonderful thing that is to see, because sometimes that we're jealous of people, of other religions. And isn't that a terrible thing that we have envy of other people? Instead, if we see another religion is doing so well and they're actually doing such a good work, then our envy, pride, jealousy should motivate us to do the same, if not better. So the jealousy of envy turns out to be something positive and wonderful. Instead of always using the jealousy, say to other religions as putting them down, criticizing them because that's the way that much jealousy pans out in our religions. Because when I was in Singapore last night, someone asked a question. There was AA1 branch of Mahayana won't tell who it was, who was saying, oh, the Theravada monks, that we don't do enough to sort of serve and help the community. We should be just having more orphanages and more hospitals and looking after all sorts of things. And sometimes when people say that when they propound negativity and they put down other religions, isn't that a sign of jealousy? When we have this way of negativity, I'm going to put you down. Lower you down. Pick fought with you. Obviously this is some jealousy which is there. And I always remember a saying from the Buddhist Emperor Asoka, who lived 2000 years ago, 2200 years ago in India, who left a message carved in stone and still there today. I think it's in one of the museums in India, and an appeal for harmony in the different religions or harmony between religions. He wrote 2200 years ago, a message which is just as apt today is probably even more meaningful today. He wrote down 2200 years ago that anybody who defames another person's faith thereby demeans his own religion. Putting down another person's faith just makes your religion worse. That came from a great emperor, a very wise person 2200 years ago. So why do we so put down the faith of other people, or the religion of other people, or the beliefs of other people? That way of negativity is saying, oh, these guys are no good. That particular cult is no good. We're the best. There's the terrible jealousy, which wouldn't be so bad if people didn't go to war and blow up people out of such jealousies and spite and anger and sort of dogmatism and bigotry. So because of that, we can understand what real jealousy is. And instead of being critical to another person's success or trying to put other people down, which is a lot of times what we do with jealousy when you're jealous of somebody else, what do you do when you talk about them as they are? They're not really good. They're not really the real thing. You know, they may be good at that, but they're terrible at other things. And we always try and find fault and put people down out of jealousy. It creates a terrible world. So that negativity is not the way to go. As many people understand, you don't, uh, improve the world by picking fault with everybody or picking fault with this religion or that religion. You improve the world by finding what works, what is successful and praising and recommending that. And that's the way which I've tried to build harmony between different people and different religions in the world. I was very proud because when I was in Kuala Lumpur giving a series of talks just before Christmas, uh, I didn't realize it, but a group from the interfaith committee, you know, which was actually organized by the government of Malaysia, uh, came to listen to my talks, and they were impressed enough. I got an invitation to tea with the, uh, the bishop of the Catholic Bishop of Kuala Lumpur on Christmas afternoon. Now. I've only been visiting there for a few days already. Got an invite from the Catholic bishop on Christmas Day. Unfortunately, I had to go to Penang on that day so I couldn't go, but I was very happy to have the invitation. And the only reason you get an invitation is because you don't find fault with the opposition. It's not like the Eagles slamming the dockers and the Dockers rubbishing the Eagles. That's no way. It's not the Christians. Rubbish. The Buddhists and the Buddhists put down the Anglicans or whatever else is your opposition or the Mahayana standing. The Vedas and Theravada is being fought with Mahayana. Well, what does that sound like? You know, to you. You people think. Can't we have a faith or a religion or people which rise above this, or which aren't so jealous, can only have so much more inspiring and harmonizing and brings more peace into this world and fellowship and kindness. And we can do that. But we don't do that by looking at the faults, always looking at something to praise. That's why I think one of the reasons why I was invited, because I told the story when I first went to Christchurch Grammar School to give a series of, uh, to give the, uh, the assembly and also to give talks to all the students, uh, throughout the day. And for the past few years, I've been going there every year at a Christchurch grammar school over in the western suburbs is a Christian school. So the first time I went there is canon Frank Sheehan was the chaplain there. He's a good friend. He arranged it. And when we went in to the school, he introduced me to the principal and the principals told me about the arrangements for the assembly. At the Assembly, he said, all the kids go in there, first of all. And the teachers, they settled them down and last of all into the morning assembly, which is a little bit of a Christian service that the three of us go in together, the principal, the chaplain and the invited guests. And as they walk in, he said, we bow to the shrine. The shrine of Jesus there. But he turned to me. The principal turned to me and said, but you're a Buddhist monk. You don't need to bow a witch. I objected and demanded my rights. I said, but I want to bow. Then how can you bow? You a Buddhist? I said, look, there's something in that shrine. There's something in that person which I can respect, and that's what I bow to. I don't bow to the whole thing. Does that mean I'm a Buddhist? There's some things I disagree with, but there's enough in there for me to respect and what I respect. That's what I bow to. And of course, they were very impressed with that attitude, which was not finding fault and focusing on our disagreements, but which was focusing on what we have in common. And when we focus on what we have in common, which is beautiful and wonderful, where's the jealousy there? Where's the envy and the fault finding? And now the you know you're better. I'm better than you are. So when I started to do that, there was a sense of the end of jealousy between our religions, the end of sort of competition and vying for who's the best. Instead, there was something much deeper a sense of peace and harmony and a sense of appreciation and celebration. This moody to sympathetic joy for the good qualities in someone else's religion. In the same way that we have sympathetic joy. Happiness for the good qualities. Knowing another friend so they know our enemy anymore. They're not a competitor. We don't get envious and jealous of them. Instead, we look at them in another way. So this is one way to overcome that jealousy between religions and the jealousy between other people you are competing with, either in work or in the air, in order to gain a partner in life or to get on in life. So instead of like envying them or being jealous of them, instead we should think, yeah, they're different than I am. They got something which I haven't got, but I've got something which they haven't got. And what we both have in common. That's something which brings us together, which creates the seeds of harmony and peace and togetherness. That is how important that is in our world. So the jealousy is not there. That's why again, we try to overcome that. Better, worse that better worse is called in Buddhism conceits and is the three conceits in Buddhism. Very often that we think of being conceited is always thinking we're better than someone else. But in Buddhism, we say that the three conceits are I'm better than you are, or I'm worse than you are, or I'm the same as you are. All three of those. Buddhism makes very clear, are coming from delusion. In other words, you can't judge between people. There's no such thing as saying better or worse or the same. Is this like a some aliens spaceship came down to Perth 20 years ago and said they went to Christchurch Grammar School, and they looked at all the students and what they were studying and how intelligent they were, and they went there 20 years later. And they said, wow, they're still studying the same things. They haven't grown at all or learnt at all. Not realising that the children they saw in sort of grade 7 or 8, 20 years ago have gone through the system now, and there's new kids in grade 7 or 8. They look the same. How can you actually judge? There is a grade one child worse than a grade 12 child. Course, if there's some children had more time to study, so you can't differentiate between them even within a class or within the the year 12. The people who came on are on the top 10% or 5% of the TI results, and the people came at the bottom. Why do we judge and grade them so much? Are they more intelligent or better? Really, all they are is better at doing exams, that's all. As a school teacher, that's what I found. Now, the people who go to the universities and universities are beginning to understand this, that, you know, the people who come top, they're they're the ones who are just good at doing exams, a good, good examination technique. The person who practices and passes their exams say in medicine they don't become a good doctor. There's something else needed to become a good doctor to succeed in life. So sometimes the way we judge each other, we the way we judge our children again, gives rise to jealousy that they're better than I am. What do you mean they're better than I am? They're luckier than I. You are. What do you mean? They're luckier than you are? Even though richer than you. Than you are. No. Richness, as you all know, is not how much money you have in the bank, but how much peace you have in the hearts, how much contentment and satisfaction you have. The story which when I first went to Thailand, I've already mentioned I went to a good university with some very wealthy people. But when I went to northeast Thailand, to this monastery, in the sort of the poorer part of Thailand, you saw people there who had bigger smiles on their faces than any millionaire I knew in England. But not everybody in those poor villages were happy. Though surprising that some were. Some were as miserable as the people I knew back in England. When I wanted to find out why. Who were the happy people? Who are the miserable people? It was this. In that village 30 years ago. One of the most prized possessions was their water buffalo. The water buffalo was what pulled the plow to dig the fields, to make their rice, and was a beast of burden would pull the carts. The water buffalo was so useful for them as one of the most valuable possessions. And I noticed a villager who had one water buffalo, which was enough and was content with one. Water buffalo was the what they villager who smiled. But the villager who had one water buffalo and wanted two water buffaloes. He was the one who was stressed out, just like people with 1 million or 1. 2 million, or with $10 and $120. It doesn't matter how much you have, it's how much you want defines whether you are rich or poor. It's not how much you have. How much you want. Defines whether you're rich or poor. So we're not measuring the right things. And that's why we're so jealous. We're jealous. The people who are rich, jealous of the people who are beautiful, jealous of the people who are famous and jealous of. I don't know what you're jealous of, but why don't you be jealous of the people who are content and happy? If that's what you're jealous of, then maybe that's what you'd work harder for. To be more content, more happy, more at peace in this life. And if that's the case, then it's a jealousy, I'm saying. Which is worth while. But being jealous for material things, being jealous for success, being jealous for the promotion, being jealous and envious of somebody else because are they're more popular than you are. Sometimes I look at some of these monks who, when I'm away, give talks and no one comes and I'm so jealous of them. I wish I gave terrible talks that I could have more free time. So sometimes the jealousy you see is sometimes not very wise, not very skillful. It's misplaced. So the next time you feel some jealousy, please think about it and reflect upon it. Number one, what are you jealous for? Is it something you wish you really, really want, which is very valuable in this world? And being jealous of someone else's successful? Isn't that sacrificing your own happiness, where you could be rejoicing with their success and thereby increasing your happiness? And if you are going to be jealous about anything else, about what is truly valuable in this world. Not by getting the best results. Not by getting the best position in the company. Not by being wealthy or being beautiful or whatever. Be jealous about happiness. Peace. What is truly successful, what is truly worthwhile in this world. If that's the case, your jealousy in one sense is facing the right direction. You will work hard to emulate and find that peace and that happiness, which is truly the goal of life. So that's a little talk this evening on jealousy and Envy. I hope you enjoyed that talk. If you didn't. Tough luck. So may you all have peace and happiness, and may all envy that was is worthy of envy. Maybe jealous of that which is worthy of jealous jealousy, and strive towards more peace and harmony and togetherness in this life. Thank you. So who's got any questions about jealousy this evening? Yeah. Go on. That one. How? Um, if people know, you know, they might not know that we are in Ireland. And I tell you that I am an. Okay. For your genesis, somebodies health. And when you are sick or jealous of someone who hasn't got the infirmity which you have, or say like a prison of being jealous of those who are able to go and come where they please in the world. That sometimes our jealousy is always thinking that the other person is obviously happier than we are. But sometimes it no, as we say in sort of the English language, the grass on the other side of the fence is always greener. We always sing when we're sick, the ones we're healthy. Then all our suffering will disappear. But you've heard me say before of the that was the story of the two girls who came for counselling the two Thai girls, and one of them had, uh, one of them had trouble with her husband. I just say him because I tell her story a lot. Two Thai girls. One had a husband she was having terrible trouble with. She wanted to divorce him. And she was asking my opinion whether she should divorce or not. And her sister? She had trouble finding a husband. No, she had relationships. Maybe one month at most. And then it would be break up. And so she could never find a husband. So of course, the obvious solution. Solution? There are sisters. Anyway, one had a husband that didn't want and one was looking for one this Christmas anyway. Swap. But the the debts, the real aunts which I gave was to tell the sister who had a husband saying you've got husband suffering, that you're married now. You've got husbands suffering now. Oh, yes, you have these. Very nice. But still some husband suffering there. For if when you're free. When you don't, you're living by yourself. You don't have that husband suffering. You have single woman suffering. That's the same with being healthy. Sometimes we think the healthy people don't have suffering. The healthy people have healthy people suffering a different type of suffering. Sick people have sick people suffering. And sometimes we always think that once, if now, once I get over my sickness, then everything will be perfect and happy forever after. But never is. You get other types of suffering is the same. When you are poor, it's very hard to sort of pay off your bills. You think, no, when I get wealthy then I won't suffer like this anymore. This is true. You have poor people suffering and when you get rich, you have rich people suffering. And don't think the rich people don't have suffering. Never last year. Reading in the newspaper about the fellow United States who'd won a record lottery win. I think it was supposed to be almost $1 billion U.S., but because of taxes and other stuff, they settle for 111 million US. And that was that the highest lottery win in the in the world at that time, apparently 111 million US before he won that lottery. He was a very happy guy, not wealthy, but had lots of friends. But once he won that lottery, I think six months later, the reason it was in the paper, because he was been sent to jail, he really sort of cracked up and went crazy. And now he had to spend about 20 years in prison and he wished he never won that money. So he had rich person suffering. So it says sometimes we envy other people. We think, oh, if I didn't have my sickness. And that is not the way of a wise person. Sometimes that we appreciate and make use and if, if like exploit whatever situation we're in. This is like some people who have accidents have become paraplegic or quadriplegic, some of them spend a whole lifetime trying to cure their illness and find some magic cure, and others accommodate their life to their illness and live very rich and fulfilling lives. They're not jealous of other people. They realize that what they have is, is can be looked upon as being something special. They never think that they are a second rate person. Not better, not worse, not the same. It's a challenge to be at peace with one's sickness and even to appreciate it. One thing when you are sick, you have lots more love from other people and care. When you're healthy, people take you for granted too much. So when you're very, very sick or when you're dying, this beautiful focus and so many people coming to see you and showing how much they care and appreciate and love you. I know they should do that while you're still healthy and a long way from dying, but they certainly do that when no, you're only a few weeks to live. So be. Like, course you're dying. I've got a terminal disease. That's why they say that life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease. That's life. Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease. That takes about 60, 70 years until you die. But that's all you got to live. Doctor, doctor, I'm 55 now, so doctors give me another 25 years to live on average. So I think that sometimes the jealousy of other people is somehow we think that what they've got will make us much happier. And that way we're not learning totally to see that if we look at ourselves and our situation, our where we are in a more wise way, that we could still be happy. As happy, even more happy are some are some good or bad, are done by a one day happy, one day me. So I got to go to. My Amazon. Search party I go to see a sun go sunken now. Mommy.