Laughing All The Way To Nibbana

Laughing All The Way To Nibbana by Ajahn Brahm Another one is to settle down and give the seedlings talk. And I had an email earlier and also a request which seemed to fit together. Somebody, uh, gave an email from Canada asking me to how can you distinguish the different types of happiness in our world? And she's a Buddhist and understands that some happiness she shouldn't really get attached to. Or they may be counterproductive, but many people in life, they say, well, you know, drinking alcohol makes me happy. Why not? Or having a mistress makes me happy. What's wrong with that? Or just, uh, gambling or going to the casino? That makes me happy. So what's the big deal? Why are you Buddhists saying this thing is wrong? And for many people in life that they ask those questions and they say, well, what can you sort of be a religious person, a Buddhist, and still have a happy time? Or is religion all about putting away your happiness in this life, hoping somehow or other to pick the right horse and get happy after you die by going to the heaven? And a lot of times people are asking questions, and one of the reasons why they think religion is irrelevant in our world is because it doesn't address the problems of basic happiness and how to deal with the problems in life. And this also can coincide with another question about the place of laughter in our world, especially in religions. Should religions laugh more? And I think, you know my attitude towards that. But nevertheless, that's a subject to today's talk about some more information, understanding about what happiness is. And also just know how to be happy and what happiness is can sometimes be a bit dangerous for you, or what happens can sometimes be happy for you. It can be beneficial for you and for others. So it's about happiness and laughter. But to begin with just that, I made a point at the beginning there that sometimes people think that happiness has to be put off into the future. That, you know, we try hard, we sort of give lots of donations. We work hard for others. We sacrifice ourselves for our family, for our kids, or for society, thinking that somehow or other, if we're a good person and when we die, then we become happy and go to a heaven. And for many people, that that meant religion in the old days. And sometimes we think, well, you can't really be really sure, because in some religions you say you have to blow yourself up before you go to heaven. And other places they say, no, no, you just go to church before you go to heaven. And some religions, they say, no, you can do whatever you like as long as the last moment that you have the right thoughts, then you go to heaven. And that's actually what Buddhism says. Just all you have to make sure of the last moment is a really good and pure one. And then you go to heaven afterwards. So I'd mentioned that to many people, and many people think, oh, it's great. What a wonderful teaching that is, because what it means is that I can really misbehave. I can have mistresses. I can get drunk, I can take alcohol, I can cheat on my taxes as long as I get away with it in the last minute before I die, I must remember to think of the Buddha, Dharma, the Sangha, Wudang. So when someone gets out of me and then you beat the system and go to heaven. However, it doesn't work that way. And fortunately, that during the retreat, which I was teaching just over a week ago. So that's why I wasn't here the last two Fridays. Someone told me a nice story about this, and there's a story which he got from the Hindu tradition, but I've adapted it to Buddhism, and it's a great little story about this man who used to come to our temple very often. But then he started getting very busy because, you know what life is like, you know, getting a business together and getting on in the world and being able to pay off your mortgage and then buy a bigger house afterwards. And that was his life. And he had a nice little business, but he came along and said, well, yeah, I've got to remember, but hang on to me. I sound like a child, my son. So I like to think of the Buddha at the last moment of my, my life. And how can he do that? So he went to the monk, and the monk said, well, if you keep coming to the temple every week and keep meditating and listening to the Dharma talks, it's like conditioning. You get brainwashed. And so obviously you've been training yourself to actually to remember the Buddha dharma when you die. Please, sir. That's no good. I can't spend all this time away from my shop. Notice that in the temple. So he decided on a really brilliant idea to beat the system. We're always looking for ways, aren't we? To beat the system. And this particular way to beat the system. His wife was pregnant. And so when she gave birth, he said, I named my first son Buddha. And then when she got another child, I named her Dharma. And the third child named Sanga. Because that way he'd always be thinking about Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha throughout his whole life. So certainly when he died, he must be thinking about Buddha and Sanger. And that way he didn't need to come to the temple. He could do whatever he liked and be sure of going to heaven afterwards. However, these things never work out the way we think they should. Because what actually happened? At his deathbed, he knew had been a really scary work all his life and never really helped anyone and just was into business. But his three children were there. His son, first son put a second son, a second daughter or first daughter, um Dunbar and his third son, Sanger. And so he saw them there. He was thinking, ah, now I've got my children here. That's all I'm thinking about for the dam and saying, I must go to heaven. But as I was looking at them just before he died, he thought, oh my goodness, if my two sons, Buddha and Sanger, my daughter dummies here. Buddha, Dharma, Sanger. I wonder who's looking after the shop. And that's when he died. So that's what happens. You cannot be the sister. The point is, your last thought is what you've been thinking about or your life. You can't suddenly change, so you can't beat the system that way. The only way to beat the system is actually to learn gradually throughout your life. So it's your inclination. That's your tendency. As the Buddha once said, if a tree has been leaning to the West. Then when it's cut down, it will fall to the west, or when it dies or was blown down. If it's been leaning to the east. Then it's gonna fall down to the east when it dies. So whichever way you're inclining, that's the way you'll go. So it's important to understand which way to incline. So we can become happy after we die. But if we incline to real happiness now, they will incline to real happiness after we die. And it's not the case that what you're doing now is somehow different to what will happen to you after you die. Because life is a continuum, it doesn't suddenly change. It's always flowing in a direction. Sure, you can veer it off in another direction, but that takes a lot of time and effort to change. But the point is here that it's what one does now is where we build our future. As I said in a meditation, is by caring about this present moment, you are actually building your future. So we don't have to wait and worry about whether we're going to go to heaven when we die. What should we do at our last moments? What we're doing now is always a big thing, and this is where we understand what happiness is. You know, if we want to go to a happy place, we have to understand happiness now, how to build up that happiness. And by building that up, the happiness, the real happiness in this life, obviously we're going to go to a happy life afterwards. Miserable people if you've been inclined towards misery, grumpiness, anger for finding. And of course, that's where you're going to go after you die. The fault finding hell. Where whatever you see is never good enough. Now the point, the story here is about what actually happiness is and how we can discern the different types of happiness. I've said before, and this is a very reasonable description of what most people find is happiness, but it's not the full story. And sometimes we say that happiness is just the space between two moments of suffering and suffering, as a space between two moments of happiness. And you can understand that in your life, whenever you've been working very hard all week and it's comes to Friday, are at last I'm free and that's very happy. Or sometimes when one's on a meditation retreat on some of the retreats, which I, uh, I haven't taught these, but I've seen other people teach because they're very tough retreats. We have to get up a certain time in the morning, and you have to meditate for 15 minutes. And if you don't get up, someone is sent to actually to get you out of bed and shame you, and you have to walk at a certain time. You have to do everything according to a schedule. And sometimes in those retreats, they only take the group photograph at the very end, because that's the only time when everyone is smiling because they're about to go home. But unfortunately, that's. That's not a good indication of what meditation is supposed to be doing. It's not at the end of your meditation. We should take the photograph. It's in the middle, actually, what's actually happening. And so that it's true that sometimes in our life it's when a difficulty, a sickness, a problem is finished, we take that as being happiness. And for many of you, that's what happiness is. Going on the holidays, I'll also finish work the Friday nights. Alas, I don't have to go to work. Or when you get sick, or they pay off the mortgage or whatever else is an end of a difficulty. When you like the school this week or a couple of weeks ago, when you finally finish being at school, then people let go of their morality and their virtue and everything else, and they sort of have a good time what they think is a good time. So a lot of times that what we take to be happiness is just like an end of a difficulty or problem. However, there's something much more than that, because in Buddhism we say that's just like the waves on an ocean. They go up and they go down. They have their peaks, they have their troughs. But is that all there is to life is just no trying to find the peaks and just trying to get out of the troughs whenever they get too low for us. Is there something else? And what I've noticed, certainly in the sort of life which I lived, surely there are the peaks and troughs, and the peaks are just the spaces between two troughs. But something else happens in life also. And that's the the whole raising of the average level of the water. And this is something which is very fascinating to observe. Sure that as we learn about happiness, we learn about sort of this spirituality which eases the problems and makes you more happy. The average level rises higher and higher and higher. So actually there is a way of understanding the happiness of life. Sure, you have one's peaks and troughs, but the average level, if you know what you're doing, actually increases and increases and increases and increases. It's fascinating to see that you've become happier people all the time. Just, uh, I just come back from Kuala Lumpur. I did an overnight from left on Wednesday. Came back early this morning. That's my lifestyle these days. So when I was there yesterday morning, I gave a talk on enlightenment, just mentioning that a quote which I got from Werner Heisenberg. He was one of the founders of quantum physics. The fellow who gave his name to the famous Heisenberg uncertainty principle. And he was quoting what many of you have heard quantum physics, but you think it's just so deep and hard to explain. But his quote was, if I can't explain this to a barmaid in a pub, then I don't understand what I'm talking about. There's a wonderful little saying there from something as difficult and complicated as quantum physics. He said he knew it so well he could go to a pub and the girl serving the beer behind the bar, he could explain it to her and she would understand it. Then the talk which I gave yesterday, I mentioned and I said, if there's like Nirvana, enlightenment, the goal of this part was supposed to be practising as Buddhist. Then surely that if you really know what you're talking about, you'll be able to explain it to people so they understand. Now, one of the explanations which I gave that day was like the Buddha said, Nirvana is the ultimate happiness. So you know what happiness is. And you had various types of happiness in life. And a Buddha is saying Nirvana is the ultimate, the highest one of those. So if you're going to go to the highest happiness, like walking up to the highest mountain, surely as you're walking towards the peak, you must get higher and higher and higher and higher. And that's actually the indication whether you're actually going up or you're going down, whether you're getting closer and closer to ultimate happiness. So the path really, if you're going for Nirvana, should be getting happier and happier and happier and happier. Otherwise. We're going in the wrong direction. So I said that if one understands Nirvana or Nirvana as the ultimate happiness, then you can understand also the path is about becoming happier and happy and happier. And I mentioned that because the night before, on Wednesday night, I was giving a talk again in Kuala Lumpur and the monk has given me the introduction, said that he is a very happy monk. He's always smiling. And he said that this is what we should do these days. This is modern Buddhism. In the past, monks were very serious. But today we should be happy. And I took him to task and say, that's not true. Even the time of the Buddha, the monks and the nuns were happy people. And I quoted like a text from 2500 years ago where the king went to visit the Buddha. And he said to the Buddha that one of the reasons I like coming to this monastery is because all the monks in this monastery are always smiling and happy. And the Buddha replied, yes, King, that's what you can expect if people are practicing the path, meditating and getting closer to enlightenment. He expected to get happier. So this path which we're teaching here should lead to greater and greater happiness. Otherwise, it's not really the path. So we understand what actually is a happiness which can really rise a level of our average. So that we can understand what true happiness is. And obviously people come to places like this to get some indication, some guidelines, which is really what they should know already. But nevertheless, we need those guidelines and inspiration so that we can somehow understand what happiness is and how it can really be achieved. Now, one of the things which I've noticed as a way of happiness is actually living a good life, a virtuous life. It's one thing which the Buddha actually said, that people live virtuous lives, get happier and happy. You've got what's called the blameless happiness for that type of happiness, the blameless happiness that sometimes we have to understand where it's actually coming from. And why do people know who live within a boundary of like, a precepts or virtue? Why is it that they actually do actually become happier? Why do we have rules by which we agree to live? And the underlying reason for that is realizing what rules are all about. In Buddhism, as I've mentioned many times, the underlying philosophy of virtue is not doing anything which harms another person or harms yourself. What I call the two precepts. Usually in Buddhism people have to keep five precepts, but people being very busy and also not being able to count to five these days because of OB education or whatever else, that these days at least we can count to two. And we remember the two precepts. If you live by the two precepts, then you're on the right path. Never do anything which harms another person or being. Never do anything which harms yourself. What beautiful precepts those are. Because what that means is we never do any killing or any stealing or even lying, because that hurts other people and eventually it hurts yourself. What do you want to do that for? I even like taking drugs or ecstasy. If a kid comes up and say, what's wrong with this? It's fun. You use that. Is it actually harming somebody or harming yourself? It's my body. I can do what I like with it. If I were to kill myself, that's my business. That's my right. But when we actually see Jesus in those situations, does it harm another person or harm yourself? There's always many, many people who care if they see someone who's killed themselves through drugs or committed suicide or whatever, even if it may or may not be your parents who care. There's still many, many other people who feel very sad to see a young person die that way. And I put my hand up for being one of us. We understand that we are not alone in this world. With one goes to a hospital or any sort of rehabilitation center. There's so many people there who care about a person they've never known. They still care. When you understand, just if you harm yourself, you always will harm other people who become sad to see you in pain. Sad to see you dying. Sad to see you wasting a life. Understanding that how we do interact with each other gives us the understanding that harming and ourselves is harming many other people. It doesn't make sense, however, helping somebody else or even helping yourself, making yourself peaceful and happy, that helps an enormous number of people. Which is why that people come here. They don't just come to the places like this for personal improvement. They come over here as an act of compassion for all the people who have to put up with you in life. When you become more peaceful and soft and happier, the people who have to live with you at home, even your dog and cat benefits from you being a kinder, more peaceful person, let alone the people you work with. And so you understand in our life that what we do to ourselves does affect other people. So this is our virtue. By making ourselves happier, more peaceful, more free, less problem, less sick. We're helping so many other people. And by helping other people, we give inspiration to ourselves. And you find that what I thought was virtue is not a code imposed upon you inside. It's just the first lesson of what happiness is. Comes to my mind that when I was at university, 1 or 1 day every week, I used to go to the local hospital for Bon Hospital outside of Cambridge, just to help out with some social work with the children who had Down's syndrome. I went there every weekend. I think it was every Wednesday afternoon during the term time, and I went there for two years during term time, never missing once. I was told afterwards that of all the student volunteers they had, I'd always stayed there the longest, kept going the most. And just before the final examinations, they gave me a gift. Like a presentation. That's what they told me, that, you know, you're the longest serving student volunteer we've ever had here. It was very, very moving, actually, to be told that and get all these down syndrome kids, you got to know over two years making little presents for you. And you know what a, uh, down syndrome child is like? They can't do very much, but they really tried because this was supposed to be my last time there, and after giving me a formal presentation, almost reduced me to tears. Then I had to ask him. I said, actually, my final examinations are not for another ten days. Can I please come back next week? So I went there after my final farewell ceremony for another week. Not because I had to, not because I was being a goody goody, not because I was trying to get to heaven in some future life. It's because I was actually enjoying it. I got a lot of fun doing that. Sort of was supposed to be service, but I was getting too much out of it to really call it service. And I understood what happiness was. Sure, I could have just hung out with my mates or gone down to the pub or had some sex or something, but surfing actually made me happier. So I started to understand what this happiness truly is and what joy really is, just from my experience. And so when I started reading some of the Buddhist teachings and the Buddha was actually saying the same, if you're generous, it's not too sort of big again, to get your name in lights and think how virtuous I am and think that you know you're going to go to heaven after you die, it's because you get happiness now. And some of the times I've seen people giving donations and being kind and how hard they work for a cause. My goodness, that brings tears to my eyes. What I've seen in my life, how generous and kind people can be. You know, the the greatest acts of generosity I've ever seen so far in my life as a monk. I'll tell you what it is now. That once I was cleaning up in our hall in Thailand, and as I was cleaning up in the afternoon just by myself, I was behind a cupboard when I heard somebody ran into the hall. I thought it was a burglar, because sometimes there's very many poor people in these villages in Thailand, and sometimes they're so desperate they steal even from a temple. So I put my head around the the cupboard, and there I saw a girl I recognized. She was one of the villagers who was mentally impaired. She could not speak. She could only grunt. I put her grants because she's grown up in a village and other people have grown up with her. The children of her age could understand exactly what each grant meant. It was her own language. And because of her mental impairment, she would never find a husband nor be able to get a job. But she was always cared for by the villagers. The wonderful to see how village life would be able to accept and embrace such people without needing to send into any institutions. Though it is part of things and never exempted, I thought in one sense that was the lucky person to have such an impairment. But in a village society where everybody cares for you. But it was her who ran in to the hall and I saw her look around. She didn't spot me, thank goodness. And she left something on the altar. And I was very intrigued to find what on earth she was doing. And she ran out again. Obviously, she was doing something and she didn't want anybody to see it, but I saw. I went up to the altar and I found that she'd made a little folded painted lotus. Now Lotus is one of the symbols of Buddhism, and she put that on the altar in front of the Buddha statue. When I looked upon it, it wasn't well done nor well coloured. It was what, maybe like a 5 or 6 year old child would be able to do. And she was in her probably late 20s or early 30s. But because I'd been in that monastery, part of that village, for such a long time, I knew that girl, and I knew how hard it was for her to make a lotus like that. I realised why she was so ashamed that it might be rejected, that she chose a time in the afternoon when no one is usually in that hall, and she ran in like a burglar. She didn't want to steal the money. She just wanted to steal the chance of making an offering, her offering to a Buddha statue because she was afraid it was not good enough. When I understood why she made such an offering and how hard it was for her to do it, even now remembering it, I get teary eyed. Of all the offerings which I have seen in my life as a monk. And sometimes people have given hundreds of thousands of dollars. That is the best I've ever seen because it was so hard to do and so beautiful. And afterwards I told the other monks even I was not the head mark there. About third or fourth in line. I told even the senior monks, even if they if they touch and move and throw away that lotus, they might see me very angry at them, because I realizes how precious that was and how beautiful and wonderful it was, and not as a piece of paper, but from where it came from. That inspires me even now and then. I understand from that inspiration what happiness truly is. It doesn't matter about money. It's where it comes from. It's the heart of kindness and generosity and goodness. And those are the things which inspire us in life and what real happiness means. So that's not a happiness which is dependent upon us. The end of some suffering. It's not like the space between two moments of trial and tribulation. It's much different than when you finally win the lotto or when you, you know, have some sex, or you sort of go on a bender and get really drunk, or you go and see your most famous rock star, apparently, who's that guy in town now? Robbie Williams yeah, you can go and see Robbie Williams, but you sort of do an act of kindness like that, and that's much, much happier and much more beautiful. And can't you feel that? And it's from that mindfulness, that introspection, understanding from our experience. What really inspires us is actually what we learn about what happiness is. And to me, that what happiness really is. The real happiness is the happiness based on letting go, on giving up things and abandoning and doing things for not for others, but for us. Because I'm really against this. Doing things for others business now, but doing things for us. So we're all in this together, and it's like a community lifting up of the beauty and bliss of life. And I gave this piece of advice to somebody today who came, who had motor neurone disease as he came to have a chat with me, and I picked up her main fear pretty quickly. And the main fear was what will happen to her when she loses all her ability to care for herself, when she has to be supported and looked after by other people. And like many of you, you would not like to be a burden on others and to lose all your independence and to be just someone who even has to have the bomb wiped. And I told her that the later parts of the progress of your, um, disease, whatever it's called, it's one of the most beautiful moments to be there, bedridden and to have all these wonderful people come and care for you to look there and say that now I am dependent and I need you. And to see all these amazing people come and spend so much time and effort caring for you. I said, in those later times of your disease, you're going to be like a flower, which alas, opens and attracts all these beautiful butterflies and bees who come to you, and you're part of this beautiful moment of someone in need being cared for. If you didn't need anybody, they wouldn't care. That's what happens in her life, isn't it? And she was starting to nod and cry because ever since she told her friends and relations that that was going to be her future. The debilitating sickness of motor neurone disease. They came up with such kindness and such care that it blew her away. She never realised people cared so much, and the only sadness was that she had to have that illness before. People expressed what was already in their hearts and said, oh, what a wonderful gift it is you you are giving to other people to allow them to show their love and to allow them to express their love in their care for you. That's a beautiful time when you're sick. So you don't need to be thinking, oh, I'm going to be a burden on other people. You are a blessing on other people. I told her the story, which I had read a long, long time ago, and I can't find the reference for. If anyone finds this reference, please let me know because I'd like to note it down. It was a story about the Dalai Lama when he was still in Tibet. And like because he was a leading figure there, he would try and look after the people, even going to the most remote villages in the country, wherever he would go, as he people would line up to give him things there to make good calm or something. And at this particular time, there was an American journalist who was actually going with him on his journeys. And as he was, you know, seeing all these poor people giving the Dalai Lama all these gifts, he started thinking like a Westerner and thinking, this is wrong. Now, this is a Dalai Lama. He lives in a palace. He can have everything he wants. You know, he doesn't need these things. He's taking all this stuff from very poor people. And his anger got to a breaking point where in one particular village, a destitute woman, a very, very poor old lady lined up and presented the Dalai Lama with a skirt. With a woman's piece of clothing. And he got so upset he shouted, the Dalai Lama! You think of yourself as a religious person, as a leader. What sort of holy person are you? You're taking something from someone who needs it much more than you. She needs that skirt. You don't. You're a man. You got whatever you want. What does a man with a woman's skirt. You can see his points. But he couldn't see the Dalai Lama's point. So the Dalai Lama had to explain it to him. He liked the calmness whenever you abused. To actually to respond in calmness is always a wonderful gift back. He responded calmly. Said, you're right, sir. I don't need this woman's skirt. But that woman needed to give it to me as a wonderful observation about what giving is all about. Whenever you receive a present of this on your birthday or Christmas. Coming along now what we call in our monastery Buddha or board Christmas. What I did, I used to call it. It doesn't really matter whether you need those gifts. Other people needed to give it to you. When you understand the meaning of that, you understand what a benefit it is when you are sick. Other people need to care. They need to give to you. They need to look after you. And by being so sick, you're giving people the opportunity to care. That's what you're doing. I told her later on in your bed, when you can't look after yourself at all, you're looking after other people by giving them a chance to care. And you're part of this part of this beautiful exchange of our human energies, our human concerns for each other. That's why you're like a flower opening. Because you're spreading kindness by being who you are. The sick lady in the bed who needs all this attention. What a wonderful time there is for you. So I turned what was going to be one of her greatest fears of being completely dependent upon others. Turned it into a wonderful way of looking at this opportunity to generate care and compassion in the world, because that care and compassion is another level of happiness, is a happiness again, which is based on letting go, a happiness which is much better than, again, watching your favorite movie. It's a happiness which lasts for your whole life whenever you remember it, which inspires us and makes this world a really beautiful place. That's what I mean about the happiness born of kindness. Which is why no matter what religion you follow or even no religion, we all recognize those acts of kindness and virtue which exceed what we expect for which brings so much joy and color and beauty to our life. That's what happiness is at that level. Kindness and compassion. But it's not kindness, a compassion which you're trying to get something out of. Is that a spontaneous act where you see someone in need and you say, I'm going to give. I'm going to help. I'm going to care. Even if it cost you things. It's wonderful when you know you can forget your appointments, forget your food, forget what you need to do just to care. I've got into trouble a few times because sometimes you've got some appointments. Now you have all these food offerings which I have to accept every now and again. Remember when somebody was in strife? There are actually in the hospital. That's Charlie Gardner. They had their mother with her or their mother in law with a kitchen knife. And she was in the hospital. And how many stitches? She was going crazy. I went to spend the morning with her simply because she needed someone to help her out of her pain. Even though I missed my lunch and I was only eating one meal a day then and all the people had come to offer food to me were very upset because I never turned up for the offering, but I got into trouble there. I never regretted what I did because that person needed me. They needed me. So sometimes you have to just to give. Especially when it hurts, when it gets you into trouble, when you get late for work because you stop to help someone in need. Sure, you might lose your job, but you gain your life. And what's more important? So this is what we mean by happiness and inspiration. I think we should get back to what happiness obviously is in our hearts, and forget about the demands of society. Happiness is not about becoming the the top dog in the office and say the top dog in the office is fighting each other or barking each other. It's not about being the the most sexy man or girl around. It's not about being the wealthiest person or having your name in lights or whatever. That's not what happiness is. You know what happiness should be. So don't just believe the society in which you live and just don't believe the tabloids or believe the movies where once you save the world, you know, in these, uh uh, was it the I saw in the newspapers, Superman Returns or whatever or whatever else is the current movie at the time? You see, it's always the same that somebody saves the world. They find the girl and they live happily ever after, and they think that's real happiness. But now they're real happy. The real happy people are not the people you actually see in the newspapers. They're not the people who do the fantastic things which get worldwide recognition. The really happy people are those little ones who help each other, who have the beautiful virtue of never having another person and never having themselves, and go that further with compassion. Really going out to care, to contribute when something is needed. They are there to give it even though it hurts. And again, when you are kind of compassionate to the point that it hurts you, your disadvantage personally, that's when you get the biggest benefit. What it is is letting go of my own concerns, which is also just why that these days, because people just are so independent, so self concerned. Now I want to look after myself. I don't want to become sick because, you know, I'm in charge of my body and I should be able to look after you. I don't want to bother other people. Other people want to be bothered. And if you just are so independent, you look after yourself. You get what's called like, lonely. That's actually why that those of you who know how our monasteries work every day, we need to be fed. It's like going to the zoo, going to the monastery and not feeding the monkeys, but feeding the monks or feeding the nuns. I think a couple of days ago, on Tuesday, I went to the Memorial park there to do a little ceremony for somebody. So her husband, who had passed away. I saw a sign there for don't feed the ducks because, you know, if the ducks get fed, then they can sometimes die. And I had a picture of like an upturned dark there with pieces of bread or popcorn next to it. And I thought, yeah, no, but okay, the ducks need to be fed, but people like me need to feed those ducks. So sometimes they're being a bit one sided. Just thinking about the ducks, not thinking about all the people that actually get a lot of joy. No feeding ducks. So even the zoo these days, you can't not feed the elephant. You can't feed the monkeys. So it's wonderful having monasteries. At least that's one place where you actually can. Feed the residents. And I don't care if it makes me sick. Why is it actually. Now, many of you have been to our two monasteries and nuns. The monastery or the monks monastery? Why is it that people bring so much food? It's crazy sometimes. I remember when one of our monks, he first went to England, and people were so happy to see a monk there that at every time they had a meal, they had huge amounts of food in the bowl. And this English guy come into the temple for the first time. He knew something about Buddhism, but not very much. He came right up, looked in this. This monks told me this was very embarrassing. He said, this monk wrote in his Bible and said, bloody hell, there's enough food in there to feed a bloody army. That's what he said. And he appreciates that because sometimes that's where our bones really do look like. You see how much food is in there, but that's not the point. The point is why we get so much food in these monasteries, and not because we need it, because people need to give. And you get so much happiness from sharing. Even like somebody said, they went to our monastery for the first time and thought how wonderful it is. They're a very wealthy person. How wonderful it is that we share the food here with people we don't know, because in their life, they don't only share food with their peers, with their relations, now they share food with everybody. It's like sharing your life. It's like sharing your time. It's called sharing your heart. I remember asking people once, why do you come to our monastery to give us food? You have to get up really early in the morning to cook something, and you always cook something really special. I remember the first year we got complaints from all these husbands. Because they came and saw what we ate and said, my wife never makes that for me. And why is it they work so hard? And once they cook the food, they have to take it to these monasteries. It's an hour from here to serpentine, about 40 minutes to the monastery. I think that's probably why they get more food than we do. Because it's gross. No, that's only a joke. Make you laugh too much. He spent all that time. And we're the only place in our society where we invite people to lunch and they bring their own food, and they also wash up after them. They even do the washing up afterwards. And they sometimes we go to these restaurants, sometimes do blessings. There's really nice restaurants in the top, gold plate winning restaurants. Not only do they invite us there to eat for free the best food, but they also give us a donation actually pay us for actually eating in their place. But. I went looking for it that way. But why do they. We do this? And I ask people, why do you do this? And they said, because of happiness. I knew the answer. Isn't that what happens because you get so happy? Like sharing. And especially because monks and nuns, we are deliberately helpless. We could help it ourselves. I could get a bank account and be able to order whatever I want, or cook it myself, or even buy the food ourselves, or even grow the food ourselves. Then why in monasteries don't you grow food? You've got all these acres, gardens, monastery, 600 acres. Why don't you plant an orchard? And then we don't need to come and feed you. Exactly. If we were self-sufficient, we'd be saying we don't need you. We'd be isolating ourselves. We making a statement which is completely against the path of happiness. By not being self-sufficient. By being deliberately, intensely dependent on you. We are creating this beautiful teaching. We're saying we need you. And people respond. Alas, someone needs me. And you respond by saying, thank you so much. By giving me the opportunity to be needed to be valuable. What a wonderful thing that would be in a marriage if we could actually tell our partner, I really need you and you really are dependent. You can't do things by yourself if you teach your children not to be so independent, to show that we need each other. And they will have a much more happy world. So happiness is not being independent. It's not getting your big stash of cash and your big mansion or the big mansion is is putting you further away from your neighbors, further away from your friends, so you feel more separated and more lonely. See what happens when people become rich. They become more separated from other people, their mansions become their prison. And that's why they have all these huge walls. There's bigger walls and security systems around the mansions of Dalkeith than there are around the prisons, which is a real prison and which is real freedom. So instead we say we need each other. We invite each other into our hearts, into our homes, into our lives, into our sicknesses. We understand we don't need to be afraid when we become dependent upon others. I've been dependent upon others for 32 years and I love it. It's wonderful being fed every day, being looked after, and having people fighting literally over. I know what house I'm going to be giving a meal in when I go to Singapore. Isn't it wonderful that that happens? What it means is people understand how to care. And that is a way of happiness. When we actually understand that happiness, happiness rises, a whole level gets higher and higher. Sure, we have our troughs and our peaks and the disappointments of life and the, uh, exuberant moments of life. But the average happiness goes up and up and up. And as we go up and up and up, we understand that when we sort of stop thinking about me, when we start thinking about them, we're always thinking about us. We're in it together. Then we understand is how we go higher and higher and higher. And this is actually what we do. It's called letting go. It's called leaving things alone. And the meditation also is about letting go, making peace. But still people don't get the message of meditation. They want us to try and shout out the world instead of trying to be at peace with the world. And there's a big difference. They're trying to shut up. The world means telling your thoughts. Shut up. Get out of here. Try to tell all your restless ideas, fantasies, dreams, where to get out of here instead of being at one with them, being friendly to them, being kind to them. Even being dependent upon them. Understanding it. Sometimes the restless thoughts which are your little teacher, which actually show you something which is very, very important. When they come, they may be unpleasant, not what you want or not what you expect. What I learn from teachers, like adventure, is the things which we sometimes think aren't important our problems, our difficulties, that they're our greatest teachers. In Thailand. We never used to complain about the mosquitoes. He told us to call them our teachers again. Mosquito. He used to call her. If you have a boss who's giving a hard time at work. Is Ajahn boss? And if you've got a partner who's giving you a hard time, it's again, wife and husband or again, mother in law. And he's a teacher. You something to learn. And that's why that we can embrace and accept these things. Because not embracing, rejecting and fighting is not letting go. It is the cause of suffering. And so when we let go more and when we do this in meditation, this meditation, as I'm teaching on this retreat, is a great microcosm of real life. It's not different than real life. It actually shows you how to deal with the real situations of life. You learn it in the laboratory of your mind called meditation. How to deal with an ache or pain in the body. How to deal with the sound of the dog barking outside. Look, of course that dog barks outside. What do you think it is? It's a dog. It's what dogs do. And it reminds me of one of Charles famous stories. He said there was a farmer who had a chicken and he wanted the chicken to go quack, quack. And he tried everything. He tried to make his chicken go quack, quack. And he was getting so frustrated. He was getting so upset. He had so much suffering because he wanted his chicken to become a duck. Now, how many of you have got a chicken mind and wanted to be a duck mind? What in your mind? To be something different than it is? And if you do, you get a big headache. You have to take much Panadol. So if you have a chicken, you have to allow it to be a chicken and be one with its chicken nature. If you have a duck allowed to be a duck. So you'll find that sometimes your mind in meditation will be very restless. It'll be like a chicken mind. Sometimes it'll be a duck mind. Sometimes it'll be a very, very peaceful Buddha mind. But your job is to allow things to be just like people. They've got a beautiful wife, but they want their wife to be like the Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie's Angelina Jolie. You've got a duck. And sometimes you want your husband to be Brad Pitt. And he's a chicken. All right. Chickens and ducks. Okay, so when you appreciate and sometimes you've got a kid, you want him to be Einstein, and you're really hanging out to see what his year 12 exam results are going to be. Any of you here who are Buddhists, you should be very embarrassed if your child comes top or in the top 5%. Didn't the Buddha teach the middle way and to avoid extremes? So a real Buddhist kid should not be aiming for the top 5%. Not aiming for the bottom 5%, but the middle way. There's a lot to be gained from being in the middle. You don't have to work so hard. The competition is not so tough. You don't get so upset stressed out in your life. As many kids who are aspiring to be in the top 1% do. But people ask me when I say things like that. Aren't you supposed to be encouraging your children to excellence and to, you know, really achieve their potential? I say yes. Of course you're trying to inspire them to excellence and achieve their potential, but not the exam results. Your goal should be to achieve their potential in happiness, to excel in their self-worth, to achieve their peace inside. So you're aiming for the wrong things. Just scores on some sort of test, or a kudos of going to UW or some other sort of elite university. Don't you want the best for your kids? Isn't the best their happiness? Understand that you understand how one should be encouraging people to understand what happiness is, and to go for that. So see if you can get not the T scores, but the B scores, the Brahm or the Buddhist educational. Well, what does he really mean anyway? Tertiary entrance. Okay. Call it any Nirvana entrance examination. To actually go for your happiness. And now you know roughly what happiness means. If only we could remember this. And then some of the other things we aspire for in the world. We should put so much effort into gaining, which causes so much problems and suffering and difficulties. They won't actually come up any more and we'll be happier, more successful people. So why can't we remember what happiness truly is? If we can remember what happened as truly is, and then we can also understand like the importance of happiness and laughter, which I'm supposed to say anyway. I'd better go quickly here, because it's also almost 9:00. The joke of the day. There's this guy. He is watching a TV. He is always one of his couch potatoes. All he ever does is fat guy feet up just watching the TV with his, uh, six pack next to him. Now drinking beer after beer after beer. He's watching a program on euthanasia, and he turned around to his wife and said, look, darling, if that ever happens to me, I'm in a persistent vegetative state, and I am just dependent upon these artificial means to keep me alive. And I'll just have to depend upon fluids. Please just turn it all off and let me die. So he turned. She turned off the TV, took away his beer, and he died. Now that's laughter. But also makes a point, isn't it? There's too many of us. It just depends upon his artificial means for stimulation to keep us alive. Depend upon too much fluids, especially this time of the year. And the persistent vegetative states in front of the TV. So it's better to pull the plug. Okay, so that's the talk this evening on happiness and a little bit of fun laughter I hope you enjoyed it. That's all you're getting. Okay. Any comments or questions about the talk this evening? Any questions comments. Going. Going. Okay. Gone. So now we're supposed to put a sanga. Or some. Some Buddha for a while. I wonder what they mean. Though. I kind of got a lot of time on the. Search party, but a lot of us don't go. Some kind of mommy.