Interconnectedness

Interconnectedness by Ajahn Brahm And, uh, the topic of the talk this evening. Uh, again, a few weeks ago when the His Holiness the Dalai Lama was here, he mentioned something which, um, I've heard many times, uh, talked about in, especially in the, um, Tibetan Buddhist tradition about, uh, interconnectedness. I wanted to, to show how that works, uh, in the Thai forest tradition, how the idea being that, uh, there is such a connection between, uh, say what I do and what you do, what you think, and why do people think that connection needs to be recognized, but also to show the limits of that idea? Uh, because that would be terrible if it was so interconnected that I had to, um, uh, bear the effects of what everybody else does and speaks and thinks it would be terrible if we're so interconnected. I could never get away from you loss, and you can get away from me. So there is a limit to that interconnectedness. And this is what I'm going to be talking about this evening. Now, the idea of that interconnectedness that actually knows that how we behave has a huge effect on the people around us, and not just the people around us and our environment on the planet, on the universe. So it shows that we do have a responsibility. And I think that's one of the main effects of talking about interconnectedness, to see just that. Her actions have a much bigger effect than we really believe sometimes. And we know that just the way we live our lives, that sometimes a kind word or a kind deed has a huge effect. And it's not just on one person, the person who we aim that deed at, but it has a huge effect on all the other people around them. It's one bit of kindness, one bit of gentleness, and one bit of sacrificing your time for others. Can create a huge difference. And one of the stories I tell about this was a. Anecdote from, uh, when one of our monks first went from the forests in Thailand. And one of the first places where our tradition went in the Western world was when I decimated a few other monks, left those forests in Thailand and went to stay in London. And I was staying in a a townhouse, uh, in Hampstead in London in the winter. And if any of you have ever stayed in that part of the world in winter, it's one of the most boring, depressing places you could ever be. The standard joke was at that time of the year, you look up at the star at the sky and it's all grey. You look at the buildings and they are grey. All of the pavement and roads are grey. There's very few greenery near whatever trees there are. They drop their leaves at that time of the year, and it's so cold that even though ladies, they were grey overcoats, there's no colour anywhere. Everything is grey. And you know the punchline of this joke? And what do people drink in England? Oh, great. It's all grey. No wonder people get depressed. And it is a depressing time of the year. I remember that. And that's why, you know, they say the British have got a stiff upper lip. That's not voluntary. It's just frozen because of the weather. The bottom lip is frozen, everything else. But imagine, like, you know, a person like us. And Mike was living in this very alive jungles of Thailand. You know, where it's very light and there's so much animals and so much life in his jungles, going to the northern hemisphere. And just the culture shock was so great that even, uh, like, monks were meditating, started as sort of no lose. A lot of their energy was quite dull, the whole thing. But I remember just telling me once that he was just looking out the window one morning, you know, just in this dismal gray street. And it was drizzling, as it does over there. It can't even rain properly, you know, it just sort of drizzles. And he saw, hunched in a doorway, sort of a homeless man. And, uh, these homeless men in those times would keep themselves warm at night using cheap liquor, either sort of methylated spirits or something else which they could get from the shop, which are very cheap, which kills you. And I remember such people from my use, and they would stink because they wouldn't wash, and that alcohol just have this terrible stench on you. And he saw this poor homeless man, just the dirty cow hunched in the doorway, trying to avoid the rain and the cold. And then he saw coming in the his direction. One of these typical Englishmen, like a businessman? No. Dressed in like a bowler hat, a nice sharp suit and the umbrella like, uh, almost a stereotypical, uh, old British gentleman going to work in the morning. And as I just watched in the window, as sometimes you do see what's going to happen. He was taken aback when this man, dressed impeccably on his way to work, stopped by that homeless man in a doorway, hunched over him, and he saw this man, cleanly dressed, put his arm around this stinking homeless man, help him out, and take him to a cafe to give him breakfast. And he said it was such an unexpected act of kindness. He said in that moment it was as if the the greatness of London in a wintertime in drizzle just all vanished, and the whole place glowed with light, with joy, with inspiration. He just saw an unexpected act of kindness. That one little event was a small one, but it's. This made him feel so wonderful, and I'm sure he told that to many people. And he told it to me. And I tell it to you. You can see what I mean by some interconnectedness. I'm not sure what that gentleman thought of what he did. I'm sure he didn't realize a Buddhist monk was watching. And he said, well, act of kindness will be repeated, as I've said it here several times, and he can see just the result. I was small act of kindness. It reverberates many, many times. There is a connectedness there, and that little bit of beauty spreads in the same way that when something cruel and mean happens. Now you know what that makes us feel like. You know that that makes us upset. Angry when somebody does something mean to you at work, and then you go home and you're not just you're not in a good mood when you speak to your children. The whole thing to spreads just like the ripples from a a stone thrown in the lake. There is a connection there, which is one of the reasons why it's important for us to be responsible. It's not just that we are caring for ourselves. I know that some young people think, oh, just what the heck? It's my body, it's my life. I can do whatever I want. If I want to take some ice, that's up to me. It's my body. I can do whatever I like. And some people think that maybe their parents don't care for them. And even if the parents have abandoned you, there is still hundreds of other people who care for you. Love you. Because if you look at a newspaper and see a person who has wrecked their lives with amphetamines, they've got drunk and on a stupid thing, like crashed the car and crushed their bones or someone else's. You can see what that does to you. You feel so sad. Why do they do this? Just. It hurts me. So you can actually see that it's not as if you do kind, virtuous, hateful acts just for yourself. What you do affects others. And all of you in here, especially those I've known many, many years. What happens to you does affect me simply because we've made connections. We do care for each other, which is why that when we talk about responsibility, when we talk about like the ethics of life, I often say that for those of you who can't count without a calculator and five precepts are too much for you. The two precepts is enough and the two Buddhist precepts. If you want to know what Buddhist virtue is, is never doing anything which harms another person or harms yourself, doing things which help other people or help yourself. And some people say, isn't that four precepts? They're not doing anything which harms others, not doing anything which harms yourself, not doing things, doing things which help others, and lastly, doing things which help yourself. The reason I call it two precepts is what harms you, harms others. What harms others harms you because there is that connectedness that if you go and get drunk, that hurts me and it hurts many other people as well. It hurts the doctors and nurses which have to look after your body later on when it starts, you know, not working anymore. I don't know if I get sick, if I don't look after myself, you know, if I don't, if I get sick, that hurts you guys as well. You know, you might get really sick and have to go into a hospital. You know, you don't hear my jokes of a Friday night. And actually, I don't know if that's really helping Harvey. I don't know. But you can see just how that connection, what has one person harms another. And that's one of the great reasons why I say like no to kids, like taking alcohol or stealing or whatever. It hurts others. That's why it hurts you. Whatever hurts me hurts others. We're not alone in this world. We never will be alone in this world, no matter what you think. There's so many kind and caring people. Even if they'd never seen you before in their life. They will be caring for you. And when they see you in pain. When they see you hurting. When they see you in the street. When they see you hungry, it hurts. And it's the same when you see somebody smiling and happy. And in April I went over to London to give a conference and also to see my mother. One anecdote from that time, and one which stays in my mind. I was thinking about it. This morning was a small thing after, and I haven't mentioned this here yet. On the way from where I was staying to Heathrow Airport to start the journey back here to Perth. Just going through the streets of London in the early morning. We passed a lollipop lady. A lollipop lady is one of the people who help people across, help the children across the road as they go to school in the morning. And that lollipop Ryder, as we passed, started dancing right now doing a rat dance. And she must have been about at least 55 or 60. And she had a big smile on her face. And not just everyone in my car, but all the people around were also laughing because it was so incongruous. Completely over the top. A 60 year old lady with a dress in one of these uniforms, with the lollipops, doing a dance by the side of the road. I wonder what what a wonderful, over-the-top thing to do. Because going to work on a Monday morning or those kids go to school, that's quite depressing. But for many people, it made people laugh. It started that day. Well, the small little things she did made so many people happy. And I can still remember it. So we call it stupid crazy lady. It'd be wonderful if you had a camera there and actually sort of made everybody laugh, and you could see just a small little act of kindness, of goodness, of charity, of happiness, how that spreads. Or even that sometimes, you know, the way I'm dressed. I love it being in a place like London and going on the underground and making people happy, because no one ever smiles when you go on these trains in England. But being a monk, you know, they think you know you're a bit crazy anyway. So when you smile at them, they can laugh back at you. So like, I couldn't even joy. I don't know when the last time I probably only last week I said this story when I was visiting my family member in the Midlands in Stoke on Trent, and we went on a walk early in the morning because, you know, like a bit of exercise and we were walking down the streets and everybody was pointing at me and laughing. As we walked down the streets and I thought, well, you know, I don't really get embarrassed that easily because maybe I'm used to it now because, you know, dressed like a girl, you know, dress on. Well, someone said the other day a miniskirt. I must wear it a bit high. I don't get offended, upset. I just enjoy the joke. Because you know what the saying is? When you do something stupid or wrong and people start laughing at you, you laugh as well. When that means the world never laughs at you, it only laughs with you. We always remember that. That saves a lot of embarrassment when you make a mistake, you laugh as well. The world never laughs at you when you're laughing, they're laughing with you. So I was laughing as well and I thought, who cares? Dressing the silly way in a sort of in England, you know, I'm making people happy. But actually then I actually found out why they were pointing at me and laughing because we pass this big poster. The circus was in town. That's right. They thought I was one of the clowns. So who cares how to make them happy? So you see a little bit of happiness. It actually spreads and actually changes people's day and changes their lives. Sometimes their interconnectedness. Never underestimate the smile and its power. Never underestimate just small words of kindness for just a few moments time with your children or with a person who needs your help. Because a lot of times that small out of kindness is you think that's nothing. But for them, it changes their life. I don't know how many times in my career I said Simon to someone just in passing. I really thought it meant anything but for them it it you did save their life. I can see it as a connection between what I say, what I do, and even how I think to others when I can see that. Can you see that with yourself as well? That gives you a responsibility. That you are gods in that sense. You can create things. You can create a world. It's not just your little bubble. There's a whole world out there. So there is a sense of interconnectedness that we do affect each other, and we do affect this world as well, even actually affecting the place in which we live. And sometimes you can see that we've been in our monastery in serpentine 24 years now, and even up in the Nun's monastery. I don't know how long they've been in. Is it ten years now? I'd be coming up to that. But in any way you can actually affect the surroundings. Because people often say that there's some places where they can go and sit and they meditate. It's very easy to meditate. Other places it's difficult. Many people, you come in this room, this hall over here, and you find it's actually quite a good place to meditate. Why is that? It's because all the people have come and sat meditation in this hall of those many years or so. We've had this place. It's actually affected the environment. It's given a like a mood. An atmosphere if you like, you do change the environments. And those of you who go down to our monastery in serpentine or the nuns monastery, you see little things like the kangaroos are very tame. The other ones, they just come close to you because you would change the feeling of the place. You can't change even the environment just by the state of your mind, by your kindness, by your gentleness. Things actually seem to flow more easily because there's not so much tension in the air. There is a connection there as well. But the main part of this, the this talk this evening, was actually how to stop that connection. Because sometimes I think in your life you will know that you're often too connected. Too involved, too attached. So you become so sensitive, especially to the negativity of other people, that it affects you and you drink that in. Sometimes we get so upset by what we see in the newspapers, or see on the TV, or what we hear from our friends. That really drains our energy of seeing like a nice, um, well-dressed person on the way to the work. Stopping by a homeless person is a rarity. Usually we see the opposite things which actually disappoint us. And it's important to be able to disconnect sometimes from the negativity of life. The point is here that yes, that there is an interconnectedness, but it's within our power to detach and let go and cut that connection when we really feel we need to. We do need what we call in Buddhism time out, time to disconnect from other people, from the world around us, from what I was saying, a meditation from the past and the future and from everything. This is I know this is part of my life. I'm a very active monk, but I also do a lot of meditation, and I travel around the world and stay in a plane. But I also live in a cave. It's not as if I live a schizophrenic life, but it's like a balance for time, for myself when I disconnect from everybody and to stay by myself and times when I connect as much as possible. Like this evening, this talk goes out on the internet. Apparently, that sort of person was saying that on average, about 25,000 people download each talk. Is that right? It's a little sorry a week. Yeah. So you connect to people as well. However. If we're always connected to others, sometimes we'll just lose so much energy and sometimes we get to so affected because we haven't got that inner strength which is borne of time out being by ourselves, regenerating our energies. And it's important to be able to disconnect. And former Premier doctor guard up. One of these sayings, which was in my book, which he liked the most because he mentioned this when he wrote to me a couple of times, was when he gets criticized, especially when he was premier, because, you know, he can imagine what it would be like as a politician. You may do a lot of really good things and try your best, but when you make a mistake, that's what gets recorded in the newspapers. That's what people argue about. That's what they remember you by. And you can imagine what that would be like. Always being criticized and often not having much of a right to reply. And I told him that. Never allow the media to control your happiness. And he said there was a wonderful little saying something which is very short, easy to remember what other people say about you. You can disconnect. You don't have to allow that to control you. It was a very radical thing to say, to say if you don't want to be connected to other people's criticisms, to other people's, uh, not very fair judgments. You don't have to be. And when you look upon it that way, who's in control of your happiness anyway? Isn't it that your concern or really, are you subject to what other people say and do? You can be connected, and you can feel other people and feel their pain and cry with them and laugh with them. But it's great to understand that you can disconnect and you can take your own responsibility for happiness. What other people say. And do you know at times when I'm going to cry with you, there's times when I'm going to just say no, I'm going to take my own responsibility for happiness because it's in my interest and your interest for me to sometimes disconnect. Recall that in Buddhism, detachment and sometimes the people misunderstand and think are no monks or nuns who really get detached, become cold and insensitive, as if they're little robots, not automatons. Zombies, like in some sci fi movie where you can say things out and to hit them and all they do is smile all the time. But of course, that's not the way that people actually act. And all those great monks and nuns which I've seen in my life, it's incredible to see how they can engage, but they can detach whenever you want to take time out, to be alone inside oneself, and to take responsibility for one's own happiness and not give that to the actions, speech and even thoughts of others. But we take that even further to not just allow other people to control your happiness, but not even to allow life to control your happiness. Because there is an interconnectedness. So you DC sad things. You do see pain and suffering in this world. But you think to yourself, look, if I really suffer and get upset about this. Is that really helping when there's a sad funeral service, if I cry as well, is that really the best thing I can do for others? Isn't it sometimes wonderful just to detach and be one person who sees a bigger picture, rather than getting so involved, so close to the emotional half force of these sad moments? And it's wonderful if you can just stand back a little bit, still detach and don't allow so much of this to control you. The obvious. Similarly, and this is one of the stories from my book, which I haven't told for a long time now, with a story which my an old school friend who I met last April again, was keeping contact with him. Uh, he visited the island of Jamaica about 25 years ago, just on a little holiday, and he decided to go up country. And he managed to find himself in a little village or town which not many people go to. And staying with a few friends. He was young and can get on with people. And that evening they took him to a movie. But it was a one of these Drive-In movies now that they used to have. I'm not sure if this steady drive in movies here in Perth, but big screens and you go in your car and you just watch the movie. However, he was very surprised to see the screen, this huge screen. It wasn't like a cloth screen, like there having no Australia or United States. It was a concrete screen, really thick. There was a huge. And he couldn't help asking, why have they got a concrete screen, you know, to show a movie for people in cars? It must have cost a fortune. And his host said, yeah, it did cost a fortune. They explained why they had to build this concrete screen because Jamaica is a very violent term, a violent country and up country. Sometimes there's a lot of violence and everyone has guns. And apparently this town was noted for its violence. And most of the people in the town, the sort of movies they like were cops and robbers and westerns where there's lots of gunfights. But what actually happened that when there was a gunfight on the screen, that people in the cars would get their guns out and join in? And if they didn't like the sheriff, they'd shoot the show. They didn't like the cop. They'd shoot the cop. His a true story, and the owner of this drive in movie theater had gone through so many cloth screens and got them all shot up by the audience. But in the end, he decided to bite the bullet. And actually put a concrete screen up there so that people could go for their life. Now it's interactive cinema. I'm sure that any entrepreneur here in Perth could maybe build one of those Imax. You've all been to Imax before you or gone to these cinemas in and around interactive cinema. Big concrete screen. They give you the gun. Bang bang bang. You can join in. But you wondered, actually, why do people get involved in that? It's only a movie after all. But how many times have you watched the movies? Or you watch the TV? Oops. You get upset and afraid it's only a movie, or you get no crying because, you know, somebody shot the the guy was going to marry that beautiful girl, whatever it is. Why'd you get involved in these things? Sometimes it's nice to get involved. You enjoy it, but sometimes it's bad for your health. Somebody actually said on the last World Cup soccer, a couple of people actually had heart attacks, and they died watching. Watching the soccer. See, that's like killing yourself for a game of football. That's a bit going too far. But if they had to come here and learned how to just disconnect, sometimes they still be alive. Because what we do is sometimes we learn how to detach from some of life, to disconnect, to say it's only a movie. Sorry life. You know, sometimes you have arguments, sometimes, you know, people speak nicely to you. Sometimes you have this wonderful laughter. Sometimes you have the tears. This is just what life is like. Now what the Buddha said. Now the impermanence, the rise and fall and the suffering. The happiness. The night in the day, the the sun and the rain. This is what life is like. And sometimes we can actually just stand back. We can detach and not allow the ups and downs of life to affect us. We say no, happiness is my concern, and I'm not going to allow what life does to make me upset, to spoil my day. So what? Last Saturday I was going to Sydney, arrived at the airport on Saturday morning, tried to check in, couldn't check in. The flight was cancelled. Many people get upset, but I wasn't going to allow that to spoil my day. Why allow it to spoil your day if you get angry? I didn't sir, wait so long there. I went outside and met a few friends and then eventually got picked up to be brought back here. The previous time in February I was going to Indonesia and a Garuda flight was cancelled and I saw all these people shouting and thumping the desks, getting really angry. But one thing I noticed there, however, however loud you shouted, however hard you thumped the desk, the plane never came earlier. All you got from all that shouting was the sore throat. All you got from thumping the desk with a sore hand? What a stupid thumping that was. You just thumping yourself. You weren't thumping the plane. So a lot of times you wonder, why do we react in this? No silly ways. Why can't we just disconnect sometimes? Okay. Never mind. Detach. This is understanding. The way of the world will help us be able to detach more easily. This. Not just that. Disconnecting from some of the disappointments in life. You know when you can't change them. Disconnect. Leave it alone. Don't allow that to spoil your day. But sometimes that it's harder when it's closer to home. And what can be more close to home than your own body? Sometimes we think, okay, we can maybe disconnect from what happens to us in life and the disappointments and the and the nice things which happen and other people, what they say and what they do, what the government does or whatever. And whether so the Dockers win or the Eagles lose or whatever. See what I would suggest if you follow sport when they win, celebrate and get attached when they lose. Disconnect and detach. That way you'll be much happier, happier person. But maybe you can do that with a football team because that's external to you. Maybe you can do that even with a partner. But how many can you do that with your body? Disconnect with your body. I even say this to people, even if you're in pain. If you've got a cancer, if you're dying, if you've got some M.S. or something. Never allow your body and your sickness to control your happiness. And I first read that in a saying of the Buddha. I thought, that's very powerful because he once said to this old person, he even though the body is sick, your mind doesn't need to be sick. You can disconnect. Usually there is a connection there between the mind and the body. You know what it's like. Now, when the body is sick or you got the headache or you're very tired. Sometimes the mind can get negative and grumpy. And I see that much of the arguments in life just come from tired bodies. You allow that connection to happen and all the times because you are tired, because you are ill, because you are sick. You become angry and you take it out on your partners. Please understand that a lot of arguments and grumpiness, which happen in a in a family that is coming from physical pain, physical tiredness, and just a little bit of rest will make people much easier to live with. But nevertheless that sometimes hard for us to do because there's so many demands on us in our modern life. And we we do work so hard and we sometimes do get tired, and sometimes we do not feel in the best way and we do get sick. We do have coals and flus and cancers and stuff, but what are you going to do about that is so incredibly powerful statement to say. Even though you may be in great pain, the sick and dying, you don't need to let that control your happiness. Momentum. This. In Sydney a couple of days ago, my one of my favorite people in history, Saint Laurent San Lorenzo. Apparently his real name was. And this was a Catholic saint in the Middle Ages. And like many outspoken people, he said the wrong thing and was sentenced to be be killed by the Inquisition. I'm very glad there's no inquisition or Buddhist inquisition here because I'd be in trouble many, many times. Some of the things I stay here. But nevertheless, this poor fellow. He wasn't actually burnt at the stake because somebody got his. Um, his story. And he was actually put on this, this, I think metal grill and the grill was heated. It was literally toasted. Now it's like torture, death. But then you can imagine what that would feel like. Those of you who have actually burnt your finger know how painful that is. They say that now burning is one of the most painful of, uh, physical sensations. So this fellow being burnt alive, his last words before he lost consciousness. He said it in Latin, but the translation was this. Just before he lost consciousness, no burns blistered. He said, turn me over. This side is done. He cracked a joke. And that's why I. I respect that person so much. I hope I can crack a joke when I'm dying that way. What have actually showed. And that's an extreme what it actually shows that even in great pain, that degree of pain, it didn't affect his happiness. He took control of his mind, made peace disconnected, said don't matter. I imagine what he would see all these people because it must be terrible thing to watch someone being burnt alive right there. He saw all this grim, grumpy people being very disappointed. He decided to cheer them up. Had a wonderful, sort of a very radical and over-the-top thing to do. But that was awesome. That's a great thing to do, but it actually showed what can be done. How there are times when you can disconnect from your physical body. I don't mean like floating off into an astral body. I mean that disconnecting the mind from the body even though you're sick, not allowing that to control your happiness. We call this detachment, and it's something we actually learn through the power of meditation. Now we learn when you're meditating here, to disconnect from the past in the future, to make the body accountable, disconnect from the body. That's why I gave that simile. You just you got your car, you put it out on the road over there, you lock it, you put on the security alarm, you know it's all locked or you got an immobilizer. If somebody tries to steal it, it's reasonably safe, so you can let it go. You can come in here, you can meditate, you can, uh, listen to the talk. Have a cup of tea afterwards. You're not concerned or worried about your car. You don't have to bring it into this room with you. You're disconnected for a couple of hours in the same way. You know, you can disconnect from your body. In other words, you don't have to be worried and concerned about it all the time, even when you are sick and in pain. It's a great thing to be able to do that. I remember just, uh, one occasion when I, I had typhus fever in Thailand and typhus fever being very close to typhoid in its symptoms. No one knew exactly what it was, and it was just so incredibly weak. It was a ward with about six beds on either side. And every time I went to the toilet, this was the third world country 30 years ago, and the back was of a third world country. Didn't even have bed pads. So I had to find my way to the toilet. And you got up and no one was helping you. You stood up, hold you steady yourself on the bed rail and you lunged for the next bed. And grabbed onto the rail and waited for another five minutes to get enough energy to make the next step to the next bed. Now, this is no exaggeration because I remember this very clearly, just so weak and get to the toilet took about half an hour as only the end of the room. But when I did get to the toilet, I stayed there a long time. I did want to make that journey too often, and that's how weak you felt. And that was actually the time. For those of you who remember that story, when my teacher, the great monk Ajahn Chah, he actually came to visit me. Sometimes, you know these great people, he was already quite famous. And when someone that famous comes to see you, you your spirits lift up. It doesn't matter how sick you feel, you feel. Wow, this great teacher, this great master has come all this way just to visit me. And for about two minutes I was inspired. Until this great teacher opened his mouth. Because you know what he said. You've heard the story before. He said, Grandma Wang sir, that was my name. His full name is Barbara Wang. So stay at home, mom, because it's much easier to say. It's like, you know, compassion. Shorten it for other people. He said, brother Wang sir, you're either going to get better or you're going to die. And then he went out. Thank you very much. Of course, you can't fault that saying you're either going to get better or you're going to die. That's absolutely true. Fortunately, it was the first one I got better. But either way, you weren't going to stay in a hospital all that long. So it's great when next time you go and visit someone who's sick, go to them and say, go get it. Better get a dive. Goodbye, mum. Think of the big trouble. But anyway, that's what is said to me. So it's really depressing being sick, you know, in the fever, in hospital just for such a long time and just not being looked after. But I do remember even being hot at one day. I felt so bad. Just aching all over, so tired, so weak. I decided just to do my meditation. And to do it properly, I'll forget about your body. Just watch your breath and just go into the mind. But a very, very still and beautiful state. I realized you could be incredibly happy in the middle of a fever, in the middle of this incredible weakness. Now, with drips and all that sort of stuff on, you know, it showed you that what could happen, you can not allow the aches and pains and the weakness of a fever to control your happiness. You can disconnect. And that teaching was so important for me, and it's, ah, one of the most wonderful teachings of Buddhism. Because when you don't learn how to detach, to disconnect, you find you're just like a balloon in the wind being blown in each direction, never having a place of rest, a place of sanctuary, a place where you can go to recharge your energies, to take time out. And I really mean time out. From the ups and downs of the world, the uncertainties and the suffering of the body and not getting what you want, and the stupid things which other people do and governments do and what happens in the world. Sometimes we get overwhelmed. Well, we don't have a refuge. And to be able to detach from time to time whenever you need to. Is what I mean about taking that refuge. Having a sick body began. What is? To go inside the mind and let go of the body? Detach and not be connected to it. To disconnect from your past so that a how many people carry their past around them like I call it, like coffins on the top of their head. It's all dead stuff. I don't know what happened to you or why it happened to you, whether it was fair it happened to you, or whether you deserved it, who cares? It's all gone. It's pass. Again, it was a revelation to me to know that you can disconnect from the past. You are not a prisoner of what happened. The door is of freedom is always open. You can walk out whenever you want. It's called forgiveness. It's called letting go. And a very fact that that's possible. That you don't need to always be punished and hurt by what happened years ago or even moments ago was such a relief. The possibility was most of the the way to freedom. The realization that you can let go was 90% of being able to forgive and move on. You're disconnecting from your history. You're freeing yourself from it. Why always allow yourself to be hurt by what happened? Weeks ago. Months ago. Years ago. You can walk out whenever you want. An old friend who used to come here. I've lost contact with him a long time ago. He once told me this story that when he was a young man growing up in Sydney, he was playing on a pier and owned by one of the the many places next to the water in Sydney Harbour. He was playing with his best friend, the little boy next door. He was only about six years of age. Being a young boy, being naughty, pushed his best friend into the water for a joke. His best friend didn't come up. He drowned. This young man pushed him in. Family lived next door. He saw the parents and the rest of the family crying, grieving for the six year old boy who never grew up, who died drown because this guy pushed him in. He saw them at the funeral and afterwards, even though the parents told him, look, you're only a kid. You never meant to do that. He felt guilty. Can you imagine what that will do to a young person? You pushed someone in. They drowned, and you lived next door to the family. He said he felt guilty for so many years now was one of the reasons he never did quite did well at school. But he came to be a young man and he said literally. And I remember him saying this as a powerful thing. He said he said one day he just woke up in the morning and he realized he did not need to feel guilty anymore. Just that feeling of not needing to feel guilty was all it took for him to let go of that past. And from that time on, he started living, being happy and being successful in what he did. For years and years, his early years at school were terrible because of that guilt. The fact he didn't think he deserved to be happy or did deserve to be skillful, to be successful. Because that's what being a person of the past does to you. It stops your growth and happiness. And the thing was, he just realized he did not need to do that. He could disconnect. He could let go. That's an amazing thing to be told that you can completely let go and forgive to pass no matter what happened. You can disconnect. You're not absolutely, irrevocably connected to your past. You can let go whenever you want. That's what you learn. It's an amazing thing to do. You realize it's okay. I don't have to carry this around all my life. And you don't. In the same way that you can disconnect with your future. Who knows what's going to happen next? I do this often. Don't know what I'm going to say next. I don't worry about it. Don't think about it, I disconnect. So you live in the moment. You live in the present moment. Not all the time. Because that's being irresponsible. I sometimes I do have to think I've got to go to the Buddhist society. So I get in the car to come here in the same way I'm saying you disconnect sometimes and other times you do connect. The point of this talk here that you're not always connected, the interconnectedness is only. Half of life. The detachment. Let him go. Time out from your duties and responsibilities. Time out from life. Time out from your own body is also important because when you learn how to let go and detach, and you learn how to get involved. You know, one of the great secrets of life. When there's something to do. You give it everything you've got. You involve, you get in there, give it your best. When there's nothing to do. You do nothing. You detach and let go. Our problem is most of us who don't know how to detach, we don't know how to let go. We don't know how not to get involved. Too often in life, something goes wrong. We can't change it. Just like the aircraft which doesn't leave, it gets cancelled. Some do this. It shouldn't happen. Why are you doing this? It's dysfunctional to do things like that. Doesn't help anybody. So why can't we? There's nothing to do. You realize the plane won't go? Why isn't it? We just let it go. Detach. Because we haven't learned how to do that. We haven't trained. So people who learn how to train their mind. A person who trains their mind can really be so effective in this world. For other people, they can get involved. They can listen. They can empathize. They can do. They could be concerned. They can connect. They can learn how to listen and feel the other person and feel the situation. They can also learn how to let go completely. I mention this when part of my job, part of everybody's job is to be a listener, to be a counsellor. To be a friend. When I say I learned this from my teacher, Ajahn Chah, he said, the basic trick of being a counsellor is to imagine yourself as a dustbin. Cause you're there for people to unload things onto you. You don't need to be wise. You don't need to have all the answers. You don't need to give the right advice. You just need there to be listened to here, to empathize and to be kind to that person. And he said that a lot of times monks and nuns are like, they're the dustbins. You come in here and tell me this and tell me that. But the most important part of being a dustbin, I don't, I used to say, is be a dustbin with a hole in the bottom, because when you have a hole in the bottom, you can receive everything, but you let it go afterwards. You can connect with people to allow them to put things in, but you can disconnect so you don't carry what they say with you when you go home. And that's what I have to do, and that's what I've learned how to do it. It's easy to do that with a bit of training. So whatever you tell me, even the most worst terrible things which happen. I can cry with you. But when I leave, I don't take those tears with me back into my room. You can disconnect that way. You can be more effective and more caring and do more in this world. The alternative when you are desperate with no hole in the bottom, you soon get filled up. And when you're filled up, you can't receive any more people. You can't help others when you're so full. So by emptying yourself out all the time, letting go more and more, disconnecting more and more. You are actually being more compassionate and kind for others. So this is actually what we mean by the connection, the interconnection and the disconnection. And certainly in my my life as a monk know there is supposed to be hermits half the time. Another time with social workers. There are all sorts of things. But when you know that balance how to go into your cave or into your meditation, or into your room, into your garden, and really let go and disconnect from the world. We are charged for the problems in life. Even from your relationship with your children, from the sicknesses in your body and what people say about you to be able to disconnect. Take time out by yourself. Be at peace. Liquor you find that gives you the energy. That gives you the space that gives you the perspective. When you detach, disconnect, take time out. Then afterwards, you can go back into life and you can connect with more. More power, with more effects, with more compassion. One of the problems why people aren't compassionate because they get worn out. They get burnt out. They get tired. Why? Because we keep carrying our problems around and other people's problems around and the world around, never knowing how to put things down for a little while. When you disconnect, then you have more energy to connect and carry the problems of the world. So it's true that the many things are interconnected. But if there was always interconnected, you would have no possibility of freedom of peace and regenerating energies. So realize yes, you are responsible to where you are connecting to make a good connection, to make something positive because it affects so many people. But also please learn how to disconnect, how to detach, how to let things go. Not to allow the world what people say, even the pain of your body to spoil the happiness of this moment. Because it can be done, it will be done and it will be done by you, and you'll be a much better human being as a result. So that's a talk on interconnection and disconnection and find the balance between the two of them. So who's got some comments or questions about this evening's talk about attachment and attachment? Connection and interconnection? Yes. The corner over there. Talking about a connection there between attachment or detachment and denial. And, uh, what's that connection? There is denial. Another type of form of attachment. It's I think a denial would be when you, uh, detach overmuch. When you disconnect too much, we're basically disconnecting from reality all the time. The, uh, important part of this talk was actually finding the balance of its time when actually to let go, to put yourself apart from the problems in this world. It's not denying them. It's just putting them aside for a while. You may call it denying them attention. But not denying their truth by denying the attention, but just acknowledging their truth and putting aside for a while. It means that when you come back to them, you can engage with them in a more effective way. Don't really think that's denial. Denial is saying it doesn't exist. It doesn't exist, and it's never going to exist. So I don't really think it's a form of attachment. I think the attachment bit is when you can't even put it aside for even a few moments when that problem, which you are faced with, worries you. 24 hours of the day. Does that make sense? Is that the question you were asking? Asking? Okay. Thank you. Is there any other comment or question before? No. Are you saying that one end up back there? No. Yes. Where do you detach and when do you attach? When you get tired, then detach. Can feel that tiredness. You know what it's like sometimes you just you can't do too much more. And don't keep pushing and pushing and pushing because too often that causes what we call burnout and stress. But that's the time you engage as much as you can when it's not being effective, neither for you and for other people. Then put it down. And then when you get your happiness together again, your energy, then you can engage again. That's why, like in one month's time, we're going to start our rains retreat period. At that time, the monks and nuns from a seven time monastery and from Kitti Gana monastery don't come up here for about two and a half months. We completely detach from you. And that's actually an old custom. We do that because we take time out and then we come back again. We generated energies with new stories, with new jokes, hopefully. Now how every now and again you get a new job. But many of the new jokes I can't tell you because I get in really big trouble if I tell some of the jokes which I hear. And so because of that, you, you ideas of gamma you, uh, you energies and that's important to be able to do that. So yeah, when you get tired, that's when you detach and there's nothing to do, then you do nothing. You do detach, then something to do go. You've got does that sort of answer the question? Okay. Uh, so my summer job ago, I was on a one car RV was 80. So I cut. To the number. Some. Spotify number. What are some, like, a cycle song on the money?